Idolator
When Chris Cornell released his sink-like-a-stone theme song for the new James Bond movie this week, it proved what we've been saying for years: Duran Duran, we never know how good we had it with you. Ever since the early '80s, the 007 franchise has been trotting out one unmemorable opening-credits number after another, prompting us to compile this YouTube-assisted list of the most egregious offenders. It will leave you shaken, stirred, and pining for the glory days of Shirley Bassey.
5. Chris Cornell, "You Know My Name" (Casino Royale, 2006)
The Audioslave frontman with the ever-disappearing beard is the 4,235th singer to incorporate the Bond theme into a pop song, a method that never ever, works. The only memorable part of this song is the opening riffs, and that's because they sound suspiciously like Yes' "Owner Of A Lonely Heart."
4. a-ha, "The Living Daylights" (The Living Daylights, 1987)
Not a terrible song, mind you, but one that was clearly around for years until a-ha realized that they could simply slap on the irrelevant title and sell it to Albert Broccoli (a realization that was no doubt accompanied by an actual exclamation of "A ha!"). Also noteworthy for its emasculatingly dinky stand-up keyboard, which was later sold to Killers lead singer Brandon Flowers.
3. Garbage, "The World Is Not Enough" (The World Is Not Enough, 1999)
Fun fact: No one has ever listened to this song. Except when it was called "The Way We Were."
2. Rita Coolidge, "All Time High" (Octopussy, 1983)
Clearly, the producers were so desperate to re-create the success of "Nobody Does It Better"; how else to explain why they hired someone who looked like Carly Simon? Alas, it didn't work: From the AM-lite horn intro to the turgid "(we're) doing so much more/that falling in love" lyric, "All Time High" is the very definition of "passable." It may as well have been used in a Country Crock ad.
1. Tina Turner, "Goldeneye" (Goldeneye, 1995)
Granted, there are worse entries in the Bond-movie canon, but how many of them were written by Bono and the Edge? How many of them were backed by a tinny, Legend Of Zelda-like horn section? And how many of them forced Turner to deliver lines like "It's a gold and honey trap/that I've got for you tonight"?
Comments
Damn it, Cornell.
Maybe if Jalopnik does a feature on the LA car show and Deadspin does something about the LA Kings, Defamer won't have to post anything original all day! Yay!
Sorry, that was not nice.
Little known fact: Bono and the Edge wrote "Goldeneye."
http://www.jamesbondmm.co.uk/title-themes/goldeneye-theme....
It's a crazy world out there.
I thought for sure "Die Another Day" was going to be on here...
Idiots. They should have hired Goldfrapp for the latest theme. I think the two best Bond theme songs are Carly Simon's "Nobody Does it Better" and Shirley Bassie's "Diamonds Are For Ever". Duran Duran's "View To A Kill" just keeps getting better.
Madonna was robbed!
Aww, c'mon, Cheap Shot. Those are three rockin' Bond themes, to be sure, but "Goldfinger" remains the gold standard of Bond themes.
Jesus, is that a horn section behind the Chris Cornell song? If you had told me in 1995 that the lead singer of Soundgarden would be the Shirley Bassey of the 00s, I would have shaken a flannel-clad limb at you said "No way man!"
"Man With the Golden Gun" is pretty sweet too!
i really hated die another day! "sigmund freud, analyze this!" it totally belongs on here.
"All Time High" is worth it for the Jarvis Cocker remake. But not the original.
"Thunderball" is kinda unsalvageable but damn Tom Jones nearly sells it on bravado alone. But I've seen Mike Patton do a better version.
Duran Duran were great. Wings - yes, fuckin' Wings - were better. Seriously, McCartney's "Live and Let Die" is the gem in the Bond canon; just ask Axl. It's also the best thing he did after the breakup of the Beatles, which I guess isn't saying much.
I have an awesome idea, and Pitchfork would eat it up: get an indie-rock band to write and record an actual song called "Octopussy," and sample the shitty Coolidge song for flavor.
I'd second Goldfrapp as a hot ticket. Alison would be an awesome foil to Daniel Craig in a video. I'm just curious why they didn't let some DJ out of the bag to do a little Propellerheads riff on John Barry? Wouldn't it have been perfect to use Propellerhead's "History Repeating" with Shirley Bassey in her very best 'Bond' mode? (Casino Royale is, after all, an oblique remake of sorts.) I would also nominate Junkie XL as a possible artist for the next Bond.
There's simply no way the Garbage or Tina Turner songs are worse than the new Cornell one.
They're both enjoyable in a cheesy way, which is what a Bond song is supposed to be. I even dug the Sheryl Crow one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_K-sE8gy4c
If you're talking gems in the Bond canon, only one song comes close to knocking "Goldfinger" off the top spot: "You Only Live Twice." Aww, yeah. Whether it's the Nancy Sinatra original or the Björk cover, that's one sweet-ass song.
I've been pining for the glory days of Shirley Bassey ever since the glory days of Shirley Bassey. It's really unfair to compare any other Bond theme to hers.
But at the risk of everybody staring at me like I walked into the wrong bar, I still like "Live and Let Die." That's right: Wings.
Please, one crucifixion per commenter.
I kind of liked "The World is Not Enough". I mean, c'mon, Shirley Manson as an evil killer fembot? They should have added that into the script.
Madonna should have not only been on this list, but topped it. And "Man with the Golden Gun? is a total groaner
What, no Sheryl Crow?
On the opposite end, I kinda like Moby's interpretation of the Bond theme, though it's kinda hard to fuck that up.
the Madonna song for [which Bond movie?] sucked and blew at the same time. it sounded like a fucking vocoder and a game of pong having a knock-down fight.
"Die Another Day" was from... Die Another Day.
"Six Underground" by the Sneaker Pimps samples some of the background music from Goldfinger, and that is a great song.
I wouldn't put it in the top five, but I thought Madonna's "Die Another Day" was a pretty good one: of a piece with her Ray of Light/Music-era stuff, and Bondy without being thuddingly obvious like the other shit in your Top Five Worst. I realize I'm kind of alone there and that most Madge fans hate it.
"You Only Live Twice" is in the top 3, with "Goldeneye" and "A View To A Kill"; note a sample was used in Robbie Williams biggest hit in the US, "Millinieum".
I was afraid "A View to a Kill" was going to be on this list and I'd have to go on the warpath! I'd posit that it's one of the five BEST Bond themes of all time.
In the later years the best themes are the ones that never were. Speaking of Jarvis, Pulp recorded "Tomorrow Never Lies" before the name of the movie changed. KD Lang does a cracker tune called "Surrender" for the same movie, ending up on the closing credits.
Of course one of the best ever is OHMSS, but no one remembers it 'cause there was no singer. The Props remix is awesome.
How about covers/remixes?
Aimee Mann does an enjoyable cover of "Nobody Does it Better." And I have a soft spot in my heart for that Robbie Williams song "Millenium"--that's from "You Only Live Twice," right?
That's funny.
I was just thinking the other day who was going to do the new James Bond song. (I didn't know it was Cornell until just now.) But I distinctly remember thinking Goldfrapp would be a good choice.
We're all on the same wavelength it seems.
Most underrated Bond theme ... "We Have All the Time in the World", Louis Armstrong. From "On Her Majesty's Secret Service." Great song.
Also, if I can suggest a 6th (Wo)Man for Worst All Time Bond song, Shirley Bassey's "Moonraker".
Personally, I'm glad "Die Another Day" isn't on the top five. I feel you, dennisobell. It's not as horrendous as it's made out to be, but as a Bond theme? Nope. Sorry. It lacks the necessary swagger and iconic feel. And the "Sigmund Freud" bit has got to go. Toning down Mirwais' zips and blips, making it sturdier and more melodic, and giving it a real chorus: it's not unsalvageable.
Shirley Bassey simply owns. Is there any question about that? And her remix album is probably the greatest ever.
The Moby version of the Bond theme was very, very good, and I'm also a supporter of Live and Let Die. I don't know how anyone can support the weak, neurasthenic Sheryl Crow song when it shares a movie with kd lang's "Surrender." I mean, you would if she belted that at you.
.....They need to import some sounds from the Sean Connery era. Nothing's been right since they left off the twangy guitar on Bond themes, although "Spy who Loved Me" was a great vocal performance! I say hire Chris Issac. He'd get the sound right! In fact, they could just use "Wicked" on the next one. That's a Bond mood!
If you're a Pretenders fan, the Living Daylights soundtrack has a couple of very good and rarely-heard tracks by them and John Barry: "Where has Everybody Gone" and "If There was a Man"
I love Tina Turner's Golden Eye! I think it is sexy and mysterious! None of the Bond themes have good lyrics but I think the melody and Tina's voice makes Golden Eye very entertaining!
I was almost sure Madonna was going to win this one. I wasn't a big fan of Sheryl Crow's song for Tomorrow Never Dies either, although Moby was on the soundtrack.
Matt Munro's From Russia With Love was a good Bond theme, I thought.
Oh, Leave James Bond themes alone already. You're just jumping on the new "Down with Daniel Craig/James Bond" bandwagon that is currently popular huffing and puffing over nothing. The new movie is freakin' excellent, Craig is great and the theme is, well, okay, whatever, but who goes for the theme? Besides, they can't all be Carly Simon.
One of my favorite Bond themes wasn't a title theme, but was from "The Living Daylights." It was a Pretenders song, as I recall, "Where has everybody gone". I haven't seen any Dalton movie in years, so maybe now I'd have a different perspective. But I recall it being very iconic.
Tom Jones' "Thunderball" deserves at least an honorable mention on the worst list. He may be Tom Jones and all, but man that song is some kind of ugly.
My Top 5 Bond Themes:
1. Goldfinger - What every Bond theme & movie is compared to.
2. Live And Let Die
3. The Man With The Golden Gun
4. A View To A Kill
5. Diamonds Are Forever
My 5 Worst Bond Themes:
5. You Know My Name
4. Die Another Day
3. License To Kill
2. Tomorrow Never Dies
1. The Living Daylights
Okay, belatedly, I'm playing the Tina clip (couidn't do it at work on Friday), and I want to half-heartedly defend it. It's not a great song, but I think Tina all but saves it. She's imitating the phrasing of Shirley Bassey, and as such it almost works; such imitation would be pathetic coming from 98% of singers, but there is the little fact that she's Tina friggin' Turner.
What was half-baked about the "Goldeneye" song was getting U2 to write it. Let's set the scene: it's 1995. The first Bond movie in more than a half-decade - since the late-'80s Timothy Dalton disaster - is coming out, and they have to introduce Pierce Boytoy with a bang. They need big names to help market this thing. It's the summer of '95, and Barbara Broccoli's minions are watching MTV/listening to the radio when they hear this remarkably Bond-like song. Except it's not for a Bond movie: it's U2's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me," and it's marketing Batman Forever (a.k.a., Oy, Batman!). "Dammit!" say Broccoli's flunkies. "Why couldn't we have had this song?!" But then another Broccoli-elf chimes in, "I know!!! We'll get them to write another one, and then we just need to find someone like Shirley Bassey to sing it!"
In short, the whole concept is what's awful, not the song per se. It's dull, and it's a lame rewrite of "Hold Me," but Tina does her best to rescue it. Anyway, the Coolidge, Garbage and Cornell songs are all worse.
Are you dissing Tina? Oh no. That songs kicks ass, and I don't care who wrote it. Those classy legs and thundering vocals say so.
Am I the only person who hasn't been able to erase the horror of "For Your Eyes Only" from the memory banks? Sheena Easton may not have earned a gas face (i.e. today's *other* comment-fest), but that song is just terrible, gauzy, over-produced, under-sung crap.
Personally I don't think this new theme is all that bad. Has some potentially memorable underpinnings of Bond-esque chord motifs. About the best tubnes? I'd love to write reams here...but I'll just say it short and sweet.
Top Top Top Tune?
Live & Let Die..the reason? Had decent lyrics, music was sexy, slick, big and brassy (yes there were horns in the tune) and did have that "espionage" feel.
Next best? OHMSS. Only reason it's not first, no lyrics. Otherwise, had an *effin* fantastic feel and mystique. Melody virtually imprints on the brain. Music fit perfectly for any number of scenes. And it remains kind of timeless.
And finally...YOLT. Reason? It's hauting, and in limbo somewhere between sad and sedate. Beautifully orchestrated (especially the intro), Sinatra truly interprets the lyrics on the money. And tune sidesteps typical pop to be a standard that can still hold up even today.
I guess I'll be the lone defender of the Cornell song. I'm not saying it's the best, but it certainly doesn't deserve to be in the Top 5 worst list. The song has a high energy, fast driving beat that captures the Bond spirit in my opinion. It got my blood pumping (although I guess for most of you it got your blood boiling). I hope they use an instrumental version of it somewhere in the film during a chase scene.
The YouTube audio quality and music video itself suck pretty bad, but maybe all you haters will reconsider your opinion when you see it in a theater with full dolby stereo and the obligatory Bond credit sequence.
And you know what else? I like "The Living Daylights" too! I actually think it's the most under-rated Bond theme. In my opinion it captured the overall cool vibe of what Bond is all about, although granted, the lyrics make no sense.
My personal least favorite would have to be Die Another Day, followed by Moonraker, although the disco version during the end credits was kind of catchy.
Top 5, unranked:
A View To A Kill, Live and Let Die, Nobody Does It Better (Spy Who Loved Me), Goldfinger, You Only Live Twice.
The Cornell song isn't one of the 5 worst, but it's an easy top 10.
After reading the existing comments, I have to say your readers have about as much taste as a garlic and shit sandwich, they would'nt their ass from a hole in the ground, probably think submarines come equipped with screen doors.
Rather then have someone audition for this site, simply put out a welcome mat, only assholes apply, morons welcome!!! see you in the loony bin!
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