Brian May: He Will, He Will Mock You (Again)
Former Queen guitarist Brian May loves his cranky Internet missives: Last fall, he lashed out at people impersonating him at MySpace, and he regularly updates the “Soapbox” section of his site with rants, raves, and weird caricatures of Freddie Mercury. For the last few days, though, he’s been even pissier than usual, directing several of his tirades against the music media.
First, there was this Monday’s takedown of the Guardian:
ANOTHER CRAP WRITER IN THE GUARDIAN. SOON WE WILL STOP BEING SURPRISED !
Good Lord. What a wanker ! [Guardian Unlimied] I have a picture in my head of Alexis Petridis, writer for the Guardian – shall I share it with you ? In my mind he looks like a nasty, grubby, spotty, unusually ignorant 15 year old creep, who is foolish enough to think he has one thousanth of the talent, or the courage, of someone like Mika, writing a facile piece of attempted artistic assassination, as if he’s trying to prove he has teeth in a 6th form magazine. The Guardian really needs to get some writers who know what they are talking about.
Mr. Petridis ? Your ‘review’ of Mika? Utter rubbish. You just don’t get it. Any of it. Go away and get a life, preferably not in journalism. Try to learn the tambourine.
Watch out for that Spell-Check, Brian! We have a feeling that the Guardian is anything but “unlimied”! But May’s Monday-morning commiserating didn’t end there:
ANOTHER NASTY PIECE OF WORK
Good God ! Another nasty piece of work in Drowned In Sound. What is it about journalism which attracts the filthiest scum of the Earth ? What decent person could write something so despicably and nonsensically insulting as calling someone a ‘diseased Leo Sayer”? I don’t even want to get into the rest of this manifestly stupid article. This young guy Mika is just starting out, and has, by his own talent and hard work, already caused a splash. Why do these pitiful writers feel the need to try to vilify him, and bring him down? By all means criticise the music, if you really think you know better than he does. But these personal insults tell us nothing about anyone, except the diseased, jealous brain of the writer. I wonder what YOU look like, Gareth Dobson, you fabulous intellectual giant, you. You’d better be good looking, writing garbage like this. Even if you were, you would still be worthy of nothing but our contempt. Take my advice. Get a proper job. Make something of your own that gives pleasure to people; have the courage to put YOUR creativity on the line – and see what treatment YOU get from the ‘critics’ of the world. Meanwhile … shame on you.
Well, he might have a point there with the “diseased Leo Sayer” line, but still we had to wonder: Why does May get all hot and bothered about this some guy making jokes about an up-and-coming pop star like Mika? What could possibly be making him so cranky? And then we read this entry from Tuesday:
Bri tired and disillusioned tonight – just went to a lot of trouble to speak at a dinner to honour our tour manager, Robbie Williams. But nobody listened. They just drank and jabbered and smoked their shitty cigars. Yuk. I came home with clothes stinking of smoke, and throat all messed up, eyes sore … And the guy who was MC-ing the event (Suggs, the singer from Madness) introduced me with a sad old joke about my and Anita’s hair. Ha frigging ha. How disappointing people can be. It really makes you not want to bother. For Robbie, it was worth it. But next time … I’ll stay home.
So there you have it: You can poke fun at Brian May’s Queen musical, or his favorite young singers, but whatever you do, don’t make fun of the hair. You’ll get no love, no remorse, and certainly no pleasant-sounding “Cheers” send-off.