Starbucks To Make Boring Music More Widely Distributed

In its continuing quest to eventually harvest human organs for beans conquer the global market, Starbucks is mulling over the launch of a new record label:

Having already proven that it can sell other companies’ music, coffee giant Starbucks is planning to launch its own record label and is close to a deal for the next album from former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to be its first release, according to sources familiar with the plans…

Unlike its Hear Music operation, which releases the Artists Choice compilation series that features musicians such as Sheryl Crow or The Rolling Stones selecting songs that influenced them, Starbucks Records is expected sign, record and produce its own artists rather than licensing songs from other labels…That’s where Sir Paul comes in. The wrinkly rocker not only fits with the Starbucks demographic, but also is a free agent not signed to any label, sources said.

If Starbucks intends to revamp the record industry the same way it revamped the coffee industry, expect all albums to be $2-$3 more expensive than normal, and available only after a 15-minute mid-afternoon wait. That said, while we have no do doubt that landing McCartney will be a publicity coup–the Post has already managed to yield two Beatles puns out of this story so far–his most recent solo albums weren’t chart successes, and it’s doubtful he’s ever going to knock out another “Live And Let Die” (or heck, even a “Spies Like Us”) at this point in his career.

LET IT BEAN [New York Post]