The R. Kelly Trial: Now Expected To Take Place Sometime In Mid-2034

Every R&B fan has experienced that same rush that comes with listening to a new R. Kelly track: “Wow,” you think, “of the 15 songs he released last week, this one is definitely the best. The vocals are so smooth, the come-ons are so brazen–he’s just so great! Thank God the whole peeing-on-underage-girls stuff hasn’t been proven in a court of law, or I would feel morally conflicted about listening to this!” Well, it looks like your guilt-free ride isn’t about to end anytime soon: Even though a status hearing will be held in Chicago this Friday, there’s no trial date set. Among the many hold-ups, according to CNN:

Presiding Judge Vincent Gaughan seemed close to setting a trial date last year. Then he fell off a ladder at home, sending him to the hospital with multiple fractures. By the time he recovered, Kelly needed emergency surgery for a burst appendix, causing him to miss a February status hearing.

The Judge Gaughan incident, of course, is responsible for one of Kelly’s best mix-tape tracks, “Between A Jail-house And Your Heart-House (I’d Choose The Ladder).”

Five years, six albums and still no trial for R. Kelly [CNN.com]