Noel Gallagher’s Witty Remarks More Interesting Than His Music

Of course, the laziest sort of blogging is commenting on the lists of others, but with Kanye on vacation, no news in the T.I. case, and Pete Doherty insisting on staying alive and out of jail temporarily, the scoundrel must find his posting refuge. Some English cable channel made a list of Britain’s wittiest celebrities, and Noel Gallagher sneaked in at number ten, behind a bunch of hacks named Coward, Wilde and Shakespeare, but well ahead of that hack Albarn. In honor of Noel’s inclusion on a completely worthless contrived list, enjoy a selection of the witticisms that got him there:

“Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on. They don’t get it.”

“People say we’re the Rolling Stones and that Blur are the Beatles. We’re the Stones and the Beatles. They’re the fucking Monkees!”

[On Keane] “Traditionally speaking, the three biggest twats in any band are the singer, the keyboardist and the drummer. I don’t need to say anything else.”

[On Victoria Beckham] “She can’t even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.”

[On Sum 41 and System of a Down] “Do you ever look at the sky and think, I’m glad I’m alive? Doesn’t it actually make you feel good to be alive to know you have seen the worst two bands in the history of music? Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that’ll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around.”

“With every song that I write, I compare it to the Beatles. The thing is, they only got there before me. If I’d been born at the same time as John Lennon, I’d have been up there.”

Congrats, Noel. Here’s to another decade of mediocre recorded output and NME baiting!

Genius declared: Wilde tops the wit list [the Guardian]