Idolator At CMJ, Day One: Botched Badges, Missing Bags, And The Taste Of Baby Aspirin

In addition to individual updates as we hack our way through the hype, long lines, and enough bands to form a small rogue nation, we want to give you an overview of what it’s like to be in the thick of the CMJ Music Marathon. After the jump, we give you the lowdown on day one, when you’re “eased into” the conference process by being herded around by snotty teenagers with indie mullets and clipboards.

ARRIVAL (at CMJ registration HQ): 2:30 p.m. DEPARTURE (from CMJ registration HQ): 4:30 p.m. RETURN HOME: 2 a.m. MILES TRAVELED: 27.1. WEATHER REPORT: Slightly overcast, light breeze, highs in the upper 60s, lows in the mid 50s with a waxing crescent moon. CONDITION OF CLOTHING UPON RETURN TO HOTEL ROOM DESPITE BALMY EARLY FALL EVENING: Moist. Very, very moist. Hazmat-suit-to-handle-your-own-jeans moist. Because they were soaked. Soaked with other people’s funk. BANDS SEEN: Six: Saturday Looks Good To Me, Another Animal, Alter Bridge, Juiceboxxx, Team Robespierre, Dan Deacon. CMJ total: Six. SHOWS SHUT OUT OF: One: Celebration at Union Pool. Total shows shut of: One. BLOGGER GATHERINGS OBSERVED: Does a Todd P show in Brooklyn count as a “blog party”? Six of one, half-dozen of the other I guess. BEST AMENITIES, NON-OPEN BAR VARIETY: “Apple” flavored “Ed Hardy Energy Drink.” Let’s taste it now to see what it’s like… flat, acidic Mountain Dew with paprika and crushed baby aspirin stirred in. Also it’s warm. There’s tons of it though, and I suspect our old asses are gonna need every drop. Speaking of which… ENERGY DRINKS DRUNK: 4. (Expect this number to jump dramatically tomorrow.) BEST SWAG: They ran out of swag bags! The part that makes it all better by giving you small shiny objects and inexpensive consumer goods! We were told to return “in an hour, maybe.” Now we’ll never know what treasures lurked inside. Briefly thought about hanging around, since I could at least get the lowdown on maximizing my impact on college radio and “how to make MySpace work for me” (answer: annoying widgets), or at least check my e-mail, but was forced to go see bands because… TECHNOLOGICAL MISHAPS: As Ryan mentioned yesterday, there seemed to be no Internet access anywhere that Internet access was promised, which perhaps might have been CMJ’s subtle slap at the blogging hordes or just organizational incompetence. Definitely organizational incomptence: the fact that everyone’s badges had the wrong publication names printed on them. So for the rest of the week, I’ll be covering CMJ for CNET.com, while some tech geek will be repping Idolator. SUGGESTIONS FOR THE CMJ STAFF: Roving beer vendors. Especially when, say, you’re stuck on line for a canvas bag full of useless tchotchkes, only to get to the front of the line and be rewarded with a warm energy drink and a wan shrug by the girl behind the swag counter in the Flashdance sweatshirt, whose gum-snapping, but genuine lack of interest at the entire CMJ process is something you, like, totally understand, having just lost unrecoverable minutes of your life in line at CMJ for a canvas bag full of useless tchtochkes, while listening to two guys talk about how hard it is to find a relaible banjo player for their alt-country bands. Those are the moments you just need a watered-down Bud in a plastic cup to stead your nerves. I see all those disaffected “volunteers” milling around trying to look busy. Just make a note of it for next year. PERSON SEEN HAVING MOST FUN: Guy practically rupturing something singing along to “Blinded By The Light” while stuck in traffic in Long Island City, blissfully unaware CMJ was even going on. PRIME ASSHOLE MOMENT: Guy spilling entire beer on girl’s perfectly arranged Kimmy Gibbler retro-late-’80s ensemble, and responding to her aghast expression with an almost cosmically glib “well, sucks to be you.”