In Case You Missed The Patrick Stump “Law & Order” Episode Last Night

kater | January 3, 2008 12:45 pm

For those of us with no particular affection for Fall Out Boy frontman Patrick Stump and even less of an affinity for Law & Order, last night’s season premiere of the NBC stalwart, in which Stump had a role, was not at the top of the to-do list. But I was just curious enough this morning to search for clips of it on YouTube, and luckily for me, there were already ten good old-fashioned bootleg videos–made by people who pointed their video cameras at their TVs, and hoped for the best–posted on the site. But which was the most watchable? In today’s fast-paced world we can’t be expected to pay for music or watch TV shows on a television set, so here’s a handy guide to the best and worst Stump/Law & Order bootlegs on YouTube.

The very left-hand side of the picture is cut off, but other than that this is of sufficient quality. The sound is good, and the camera is steady. There are a few faint and cryptic reflections in the screen–the one to the left of the picture that looks kind of like a robot face is particularly distracting–but it’s a small price to pay for such clear and audible footage of Stump emoting sans hat. Would I buy it for $5 in the subway? Yes, but I’d try to bargain it down to $3.

While this one’s got the framing down better, it fails in almost every other way. The buzzing high-frequency sound overpowers the dialogue, and the picture quality is grainy and high-contrast. What’s a Law & Order bootleg if we can’t see Jeremy Sisto’s beautiful face?! Then again, this person did go to the trouble of adding a text intro and fancy transitions with Windows Media Maker. This either somewhat redeems the video or puts the final nail in its coffin, depending on your perspective. Would I buy it for $5 in the subway? No.

Shaky camera, off-kilter framing, and too short. But the picture quality is excellent. Is it better to see Patrick Stump’s sideburns clearly for thirty-eight seconds, or view them at a lower resolution for two-and-a-half minutes? Tough call! Would I buy it for $5 in the subway? No, but only because it’s too short.

This one’s really got that authentic bootleg feel: the volume being adjusted, the annoying light reflection in the middle of the screen, the tinny sound quality. It’s just a tad too bunko for comfort. Plus, it doesn’t include the courtroom scene. Would I buy it for $5 in the subway? Absolutely not.

Best for last! Not only is this one poorly framed, and completely inaudible, there’s actually a running commentary from the videographer, complete with weird sneeze-like sound at the very beginning. She takes issue with the detectives picking on Patrick Stump, telling them to “Shut up! Don’t say that to him!” She also can’t contain her general Stump love, exclaiming, “Oh my God, he’s adorable.” The crazed whispery voice is downright creepy, and for all practical purposes this video is useless. Would I buy it for $5 in the subway? You couldn’t pay me to take a copy.

So now you have a representative sampling of your Law & Order bootleg options. I hope it’s helpful, though if you cared enough about seeing Patrick Stump without a hat, you probably would have just watched the episode on TV last night. You’re probably just a stupid prep who doesn’t really care about Fall Out Boy anyway.