Idolator Asks: 16 Years After It Was Invented, Why Can’t We Ringtone (W)rap It Up With The Musical Condom?

Jess Harvell | February 6, 2008 5:30 am

So you’re in the middle of sexual congress with your partner and suddenly the mood is blown when his phone starts blaring “Party Like A Rockstar” at libido-shattering volume. Except it’s not his phone. It’s his penis. Yes, thanks to wang wizard Paul Lyons, your prophylactic could now be polyphonic..if his musical condom, a rubber where “a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer” activates a sound file with every thrust, had ever gone into production.

Today’s Inventors Spot post tipped us off to its “existence,” but Lyons was actually issued his patent in 1992, and the musical condom remains unavailable for purchase at your local drug store or Radio Shack. A few years back a Ukranian science guy claimed to have invented a condom with a little loudspeaker that played some MIDI bleeps as you sinned before God. But Lyons’ condom seems much more in line with the freedom of choice of the ringtone age, as his patent claimed you could capture any song you wanted on condom. Like “Yakety Sax”! Or maybe the Misfits’ “Last Caress.” While the potential for ruined relationships is high, the potential for relationship-ending comedy is even higher. Scientists and condom manufacturers… you have eight days to make this happen!

Great Invention Idea? A Musical Condom [Inventors Spot]

P.S. If it ever did go into production, please let us know.

P.P.S. You were also supposed to be able to record yourself leaving a message for your partner’s orifice. Like “open up the hangar for the airplane!” Or maybe just the sound effect of a Mack truck beeping as it backs up. Or the Law And Order “ch-chung!”