Gene Simmons Now Claiming He’s Been Having Passionless, Unnerving Sex For Decades
Sex tape terrorist Gene Simmons is attempting to explain away the lovemaking session that scarred us forever (link, as always, most assuredly NSFW) when it leaked to a wholly unprepared Internet last week by claiming that the VHS abomination is “decades old” and has long been in the clutches of an “entity” who has tried to “blackmail and extort” Simmons in the past with the threat of revealing to the world the guy enjoys artificially enhanced blondes, the missionary position, and leaving his shirt on during coitus.
While we’re not quite sure how exactly one would go about dating a sex tape–has this idea really not yet been tapped for a ripped-from-the-headlines task for the nerdy Law And Order crime lab tech?–Gene does seem to be covered considering his sexin’ soundtrack, Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is,” was indeed released decades ago. He’d be totally busted if he was banging to, say, that Hilary and Haylie Duff cover of “Our Lips Are Sealed.” [Sleaze Roxx]
