Newsflash: Staff Of R.I.A.A. Sensitive, Misunderstood

I can’t pretend to speak for the entire staff of Idolator… contributors, editors, etc. At the end of the day, I’m just a guy who for some mysterious reason is given the occasional chance to comment on whatever comes up on Google News. However, I would like to take this opportunity on Monday, March 3, to apologize to the staff of the RIAA. Nearly anyone who has seen a computer in the last few years views your organization as a ridiculous enterprise working tirelessly to prosecute and harass music fans across the country. They’re all wrong, my lovely lawsuit-lovin’ friends; you’ve just been hurt, like we all have. Thank you, RIAA director of communications, Cara Duckworth. You’ve made me see the vulnerable hearts full of goodness hidden underneath those undoubtedly very expensive lawyer clothes.

Cara, oh, Cara… why didn’t you share this sensitive side with us earlier? Why did it take the big finish to a letter to the editor of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review to show us the music of your collective hearts?

The Trib’s article “Recording industry wants a bigger share of the pie” by Rege Behe (Jan. 20 and PghTrib.com) was a misinformed, outdated critique that merits a response…

During the past decade, the music industry has dramatically reinvented itself. Fans today enjoy access to an unprecedented array of high-value, enhanced physical products and industry-licensed distribution platforms that include satellite radio, multiple Internet radio models, download sites and a variety of existing and emerging mobile phone models.

No one cares about multiple distribution platforms for music enterprises, Cara. I’m not even sure Doug Morris knows what that means. Also, you might not want to mention multiple Internet radio models. That might lead people to believe the record industry is going to do something about those licensing rates for stations streaming online. Maybe it’s best if you just talk about how awesome-sounding legally purchased ringtones are instead.

And finally, one part of a much larger strategy to make the marketplace work for all is making clear that breaking the law and stealing music has consequences.

That’s not always easy or popular, but it’s necessary. And because of our efforts, the music community, the legal marketplace and fans are all better off than they otherwise would be if stealing music was an accepted practice.

Well, let’s be fair here… are the fans really better off? I know I usually spend a fair amount of time worrying about the “legal marketplace”, and its general well-being, and I’m glad to hear they’re doing well, but the fans? But let’s not get caught up in the semantics of who does and doesn’t benefit from draconian fines and seemingly random targets of prosecution.

It’s easy to take uninformed shots from the sidelines. It’s less easy to watch thousands of your friends and colleagues get laid off because of rampant theft despite making every attempt to educate and offering innovative, legal ways to get music.

ZING, go the strings of my heart, Cara! All you and your corporate backers have done is provide venue after venue where legal downloads can be obtained, and yet, somewhere in New York or L.A., one of your friends is packing their stack of promo discs, autographed matchbox twenty posters, and Better Than Ezra coffee mugs into a box while two security guards hover close by. Some might choose to blame corporate incompetence, A&R guys spending money like Powerball winners with a meth problem, or any number of well-documented music biz missteps over the last four decades or so, but you and I both know, Cara Duckworth, that it’s those pesky pirates, stealing jobs from your friends, and stealing their dreams of a plus one into music immortality (or at least their own corporate credit card). Cara, why didn’t you say something sooner? You let us all believe the RIAA were a bunch of soulless creeps, when in fact, you all were suffering from the sins of everyone who ever visited a Rapidshare blog.

I won’t let another cross word cross my lips or my keyboard, Cara–at least until it’s mid-afternoon and I need something to post about and your cohorts having done something ridiculous again. But, Cara Duckworth, we’ll always have the pages of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. That has to count for something.

Music industry spin [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]