A JoBromance Chums For Drama
Ahoy! We are currently drifting across the vast, expansive ocean in a raft constructed solely of uncanny aphorisms and faux Disney Channel dialogue. Also, this raft may actually be an airplane, and our captain’s got the navigational skills of Buster Bluth (“So the blue is land…”). When last we left the JoBromance crew, Nick was using the tragic death of Alexis’ father as an opportunity to make his move, Alexis was performing her Moog cover (I am nothing if not a JoBromance revisionist) of Emily Osment’s eviscerating social anthem “I Don’t Think About It,” and everyone else was waiting in the ether for the next Disney Channel star cameo. So will emogurl810 steer this ship ashore, or will she let it sink under the weight of its own triviality, leaving us all to perish at the proverbial hands of the sharks, or at the very least gain a totally hardass story that we can bring out the next time we get drunk off of corn whiskey and want to bring the mood down (“You know the thing about a shark? He’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.”)?
The video is the same but the song has changed again. She’s got a knack for choosing the most heinous that pop music has to offer, and I can’t figure out what that tinny mess of a song is. Again, J. Bro.-themed prizes await whomever can provide the answer.
Joe: *outside*
Ada: did ya talk to her?
Joe: nick did…
Ada: huh???
Joe: i think they’re together…
Ada: i like like you Joe
Joe: i think they’re together coz i saw the— whats this you say?
Ada: i love you Joe
Joe: me too…
Ada: we’re bf/gf?
Joe: i dunno…im confuzzled…
Ada: hey! that was supposed to be my line…
Joe: wait, it is?
Ada: just kidding! gosh! ur so gullible…*laughs*
Joe: im suposed to be the funny one! *in a funny voice* YOU WILL PAY!
Ada: oohh…*sarcastically* i am SO scared…*laughs and runs away*
~NALEXIS GOES OUT~
Alexis: wow…its all working out perfectly…
Nick: you can say that again…
Alexis: wow…its all working out perfectly..
Nick: i didnt mean it literally…
Alexis: i was just trying to be funny…
Nick: well…u can leave that to Joe and Ada..
Alexis: good point.
Nick:*leans in to kiss Alexis*
Alexis: nuh-uh…u have to catch me first…
Nick: *catches Alexis and kisses her*
~with Lorelai and Kevin~
Kevin: pshh…kids…
Lorelai: im 16 too ya know
Kevin: ur a matured 16 year old…
Lorelai: *pouts*
Kevin: let me guess…ya want to join them…
Lorelai: pretty please with Jonas on top?
Kevin: okay…but YOU have to catch ME! *runs*
~after a while they all rest in the restaurant~
Alexis: i’ll just get my iPod guys…
Girls(except Miley and Emily and Hailey): we’re going too…
~a minute later~
~Alexis, Lorelai and Ada see Joe, Kevin and Nick kissing random girls~
Lorelai: OH
Ada: MY
Alexis: SWEET
Alexis, Ada and Lorelai: JONAS!
JB: we can explain!
Alexis: and you dont need to…we’re gone…
Nick: Alexis…
Ada: Alexis is right…
Joe: Ada…
Lorelai: we’re going to our rooms, if anyone need us, which I doubt, we’ll be in our rooms…
~a few hours later~
Joe: they have been gone for awhile..
Kevin: we should apologize…
Nick: yeah..
~at their rooms~
Kevin:O
Joe: M
Nick: G!
WHAT HAPPENED? WILL THEY BE EVER FORGIVEN? WHY AM I RUNNING OUT OF QUESTIONS? ooh, banana! WHY AM I SO RANDOM? sorry its a bit short but this one was so long it got cut so…watch out for part 2..
The first bit of dialog is absolutely classic emogurl810–the extreme over-simplification of human interaction, the attempt to mimic Disney Channel preteen banter, the use of “confuzzled,” it’s all there, and I’m glad to see her playing back-to-basics ball. The only thing that could have made the Joe/Ada conversation better is if she’d ended the line “just kidding! gosh! ur so gullible…*laughs*” with Ada saying “Let’s dance!” and then let the whole episode end with a JoBromance dance party. The tone of the conversation really seemed to be heading in that direction, but alas, she chose instead to forge on with this dirge of a narrative.
Perhaps the most interesting thing about this episode is the exchange between Kevin and Lorelai about joining Nick and Alexis. Notice how Kevin refers to Lorelai as a “matured 16 year old,” implying a subtle, but apparent objectification, as if she were nothing more than a bottle of wine aged in an oak barrel. And why does she have to ask him permission to join her friends? Does he make her say “pretty please with Jonas on top” when she wants something? These are troubling elements that could foreshadow a tragic domestic abuse storyline down the road. By that point Kevin will have grown a beard and been laid off from the band. He’ll sit around the house all day stewing in contempt until he snaps out at Lorelai, claiming that she hasn’t been stored at the correct temperature for years, and then who knows what violence will ensue. All I’m saying is keep an eye on them.
I would take issue with the bizarre cliffhanger, but I’m damn intrigued to find out what excuse she’s going to come up with to explain the sudden kissing spree. “Watch out for part 2.” Thanks for the warning.
