Hey There Bad Fashion, What’s It Like At Kohl’s?

Kate Richardson | August 5, 2008 10:30 am

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Ever wonder what it’s like to write a saccharine-sweet acoustic guitar pop song comparing a girl you allegedly like to the consumerist cesspool that is Times Square, then be destined never to match its success again? Well, if you’re a 13-year-old boy at the mercy of your well-meaning mother, you can now approximate this experience by shopping at Kohl’s, which now has via the Plain White T’s-inspired clothing line Urban Pipeline on its racks. Part of the same cringe-worthy campaign as the hoodie-stricken Avril line (“Inspired by the artists…worn by you”), the Plain White T’s line features only the finest in bro training wear, plus the obligatory formal t-shirt.

I’ve assembled an outfit from the Urban Pipeline section of Kohl’s Web site. Just imagine you’re a young man gearing up for the first day of 8th grade, and you’re determined to express that you’re serious about acoustic melodies.

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First you put on your shirt. It’s plain, it’s white, it’s 100% non-threatening and blandly appealing. Perfect.

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Now your shorts. Camo conveys strength. You’re a man despite your wimpy music.

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You always get cold while sitting in class, so you make sure to put on your new hoodie. It says, “Hey, I want to be Pete Wentz.”

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And, finally, you wouldn’t want to be ill-prepared in case of a sudden extreme sports situation, so you grab your new shades. Rockin’.

Now you’re all set to appeal to girls, sensitive boys, and total bros who occasionally like a break from Nickleback. But what about formal dances? Dude, got you covered:

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This is the signature Plain White T’s shirt in the collection. Your mom thought it was cute.

Back To School 2008 [Kohl’s]New Kohls clothing line is inspired by famous artists [Dayton Daily News] Earlier: Avril Lavigne’s Clothing Line Just As Awkwardly Punk Rock As Its Designer