Akon Is Really Taking His “Best Internet Act” Award Seriously

The five most ridiculous “no, see, the Internet is actually a bunch of references to sex” lyrics in Akon’s new single “MP3 U Me,” which attempts to do for the online world what R. Kelly’s “The Zoo” did for the animal kingdom:

5. “Straight from your hard drive / Into your software / Gotta let you know I care” OK, maybe every person with a computer and a connection to YouPorn has made the “hard drive” joke at least once. That doesn’t excuse it.

4. “I won’t take off your MP3 address / Until you tell me yes / That you received my text / Now you’ve got the sex” That first lyric could actually be a reference to a dress that’s made of MP3s. Maybe. I mean, I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference.

3. “Girl step into my chat room / Every time you think of me / And I’ll get right back to you / So expeditiously” What, Akon, you won’t be waiting for her? In your own chat room? Tsk, tsk.

2. “Pushin’ on your keys / Touchin’ on your mouse / Imagine you and me / Runnin’ through your house” In which the paramour is turned into a bunch of bits and some household vermin.

1. “I’m on your laptop / Goin’ to download, baby” This one wins the prize if only because everyone knows that you can’t download a baby.

There’s actually more, which is something of an amazing feat because the track clocks in under 2:30.

Akon – MP3 U Me [YouTube]