Cher’s Ringlets Wish You A Merry Christmas

Lucas Jensen | December 18, 2008 2:00 am
I was recently alerted to the online presence of this hypnotically bad 1976 Sonny and Cher Christmas special, and this Cher-led Christmas medley really takes the cake. It’s set in a Dickensian soundstage, and some maybe famous people show up to help her out. Her “Oh Holy Night”… man. It’s like the Vibrato Goblin jumped down her throat. The felt-like fabric of the costumes comes straight from a 1975 Jo-Ann Fabric Store, like people are dressed up in the Formica color palettes. If anybody has ever been to the decrepit made-for-making-out Monster Plantation ride at Six Flags Over Georgia they should recognize Cher’s look, particularly the heavy duty ringlets; she looks just like that lady that greets you at the beginning of the ride!

From the same special, this 70sization of Jingle Bells is pretty jamming, and it comes complete with an “R”s as “W”s solo section from Chastity wherein she looks like she’s either about to cry or take a big poop. Cher’s tight-as-hell braids are out of control. Those things look like bullwhips!

Bernadette Peters, Captain Kangaroo, and Chastity (why is she still singing?) show up to help out with “Christmas Rock N Roll”. Bernadette wrestles with Ms. Melisma and loses. Captain Kangaroo sounds like Johnny Cash.

Pure insanity. Santa (as played by William Conrad) looks drunk and dirty. I need a shower.

William Conrad tells a story. Chastity seems genuinely interested.

Man, do I miss variety shows! Can we give Rosie one more chance? Wait. No.

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