Bands That Send You Into “Two Minutes Hate” Mode

Lucas Jensen | January 8, 2009 3:00 am

In a comment on his Morrissey review earlier this week, fellow Idolatorian Mike Barthel mentioned that his antipathy toward Animal Collective was so strong, he couldn’t even understand why other people liked them:

Why do I hate AC? I’ve gotten into it elsewhere, and yeah, like Maura said, there hasn’t really been a proper platform to air any writer’s grievances at length. I just really, really don’t like them, to the point that I don’t even really understand why other people like them. I actually spent about an hour today talking to a former AC-hata who was trying to talk me into liking the new album, and I gave it an honest, serious try, and it made me want to stab knitting needles in my eyes.

That’s some serious hate there, but I completely understand. There are some bands that I loathe so much that it clouds my reason. The rational centers of my brain are so opposed to them that I can’t understand why any thinking bidepal creature would ever deign to listen to such garbage.

There’s a definite divide between the bands that give me the Hate Shakes™ and bands that I just don’t like. For example, I get why high school kids dig the Doors (I know I did), and, heck, I can even see why kids got into the horrid nu-metal of the late ’90s/early ’00s. Sure, the thought of a Limp Bizkit song’s existence makes my kidneys want to jump out through my eyeballs, but I sort of understand the band’s underlying appeal.

But then we have a band like Kings of Leon. I know what you are thinking. They’re harmless and mediocre, right? Yeah, I know, but context has to be part of this kind of intense hatred. The Kings of Leon garner so much acclaim for their hook-free, watered-down faux-Southern rock garbage when more deserving bands (like everyone else in the world making music) don’t get covered with the same fervor, and it fills me with loathing. Adding fuel to this fire is that most of their fans seem to agree that the band is getting worse, yet the coverage is almost always praiseworthy. (This happens a lot when artists become “feature” bands that garner features over reviews. Features are generally fawning puff pieces meant to sell mags or generate clicks, so who cares if some Grumpy Gus in the back thinks the band sounds like putrified dog squeeze?) God, just talking about this band gives me the Hate Shakes™. You see? I’m so blinded by hate that I can’t even elucidate a tenable position on this. I just shake and hate and shake some more. Blergh!

How about you? Whom do you hate so much that you can’t even fathom why someone would ever listen to them? Who gives you the Hate Shakes™?

Also, Nine Inch Nails sucks! Haha. Kidding. I just wanted to feed the beast.