James Bond Dissed Noel Gallagher, So Let’s Cast The Oasis Movie
Blonde Bond Daniel Craig and cell phone pitchman Noel Gallagher got into the kind of fake celebrity spat that the British tabloids manufacture daily by using the patented system of drawing two celebrity names out of a hat, asking them about one another, and then creating a headline that seems salacious—“Daniel Craig baits Noel Gallagher over guitar skills jibe,” in this case–-until you read the story and realize that nothing all that interesting happened.
In this case, Craig was questioned at a movie premiere about Noel Gallagher’s assertion that Craig should play him in the (inevitable?) Oasis biopic. Craig said he was too old for the role (he’s one year younger in reality), and that, anyway, he was better at guitar. I did some digging to see if I could find 007 jamming out on the guitar, but I was met with crickets and tumbleweeds. (The British beefcake apparently does enjoy a game of Guitar Hero now and again, but that really ain’t the same thing.)
But let’s get back to Noel’s proposed Oasis film. It’s an OK idea, if you ask me. There’d be plenty of drugs, brothers fighting, rock and roll, Blur rivalries, Jay-Z hating, Beatles-aping, Beatles-aping-denying, and the beautiful Patsy Kensit*. As for casting, hmmm…I’m not so sure if Craig’s the right guy for the role. Let’s examine the photographic evidence again:
Okay. I think that Noel is the better looking of the brothers, but he’s no Daniel Craig. Look at those pecs! Sweet Jesus. He’s so… burly. I can’t stop looking at him! Wow.
Anyhoo, you’d have to find someone who looked like Craig to play Liam because those two are almost twins. I’d love to hear your ideas for that role—and any others that might be in the film! Here are some of the parts we need:
Liam Gallagher Noel Gallagher Andy Bell The other guys who have been in Oasis Patsy Kensit Damon Albarn Graham Coxon Alex James Jay-Z
This Patsy Kensit talk gives me a chance to post this video from her band Eighth Wonder, who charted in the UK with this Tennant/Lowe concoction, “I’m Not Scared”: