Five Reasons Why The So-Called Katy Perry Nude Photo Isn’t Real

noah | January 16, 2009 11:30 am

I don’t know about you, my morning was brightened when I saw a bunch of blog posts about there reportedly being a Katy Perry nude pic floating around the Internet. “Hasn’t she done this already?” people asked me about the oh-so-annoying singer upon hearing the news. Well, no, she hasn’t, and guess what? She still hasn’t, or at least not in a public way; the pic obviously ain’t real. After the jump, five reasons why, like the Meg White and Fergie sex tapes before it, this somewhat depressing bathroom self-portrait is obviously the operation of someone who thought “hey, I look enough like this popular entertainer to maybe get some semi-anonymous face (and ass) time on the Internet!” and then whipped out her camera.

1. It’s not her nose. (Exhibit A.)

2. Do you really think that the people in charge with putting that awful “My Grammy Moment” YouTube talent contest through its paces are that savvy about online viral marketing?

3. Bathroom does not have enough kitschy “Dirty Girl” soaps and whatnot on hand. Like Miss I Make Bananaphone References Incessantly In Concert would scrub herself down with cleansers you can buy at Trader Joe’s!

4. [Insert rant about the degraded nature of the female pop star, and how it’s really kind of sad that the only way certain people feel that they can connect with female celebrities is on a pornographic level, and how I thought the whole “naked picture”/”sex tape” hunt based around different celebrities in flagrante was a blip on the 2007-08 radar that had mercifully died down because I hadn’t seen any search results for said curios pop up on Google Trends in quite a while, but I guess since the news cycle is slow and everyone’s at home waiting out the NATIONWIDE DEEP FREEZE things like this are bound to pop up here]

5. No, really, the nose is totally different.

Katy Perry Kissed A Girl And Took A Naked Picture Of Herself [Fleshbot / NSFW; via Gawker]