will.i.am Is Ecstatic That He Lives In The Land Of Obama And Oprah

ARTISTS: will.i.am, David Foster, Faith Hill, Seal, Bono, and Mary J. Blige TITLE: “America’s Song” WEB DEBUT: Jan. 19, 2009

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: My one-listen verdict to this piece of will/Foster-penned schmaltz was actually me just holding my head in my hands and shaking my head, and that doesn’t really translate well to any longish-form sort of criticism. So I’m going to give it over to Idolator’s own Mike Barthel’s real-time reactions, which he compiled while watching its debut on today’s super-special episode of Oprah:

Aaaaah will.i.am is singing! Then Faith Hill! Then Seal! Rachel: “There’s nothing more schmaltzy than Seal.”

The giant TVs are showing scenes from the heartland! Where is John Mellencamp right now? Answer: eating his hat!

Then Bono in front of a giant American flag VIA SATELLITE! Then Mary J. in front of a bright blue sky!

There are white marble columns in the background! Now this is a Colbert Show episode!

Mary J. appears to be wearing two gyroscopes as earrings!

The chorus goes: “My America / Your America / Our America / Is Beautiful.”

Fields of sunflowers! Factory workers! Michelle and Obama embracing! Bono being pensive! Obama being pensive! Seal and Faith singing directly to each other while Oprah goes nuts!

GIANT AMERICAN FLAG AND THEY ALL HUG! Wow.

I guess not having the visuals, you miss a lot. Although Mike left out the bit at the end that interpolates “America The Beautiful”—but changes the bit about God shedding his grace across the land to a line about America being beautiful… “to me.” Ah, celebrity, you’ll never go away.

Kind of a bummer that they couldn’t figure out a way to get Jay-Z’s “Black President” remix in there—

Rosa Parks sat so that Martin Luther could walk, Martin Luther walked so that Barack Obama could run, Barack Obama ran so all the children could fly, So I’mma spread my wings you can meet me in the sky.

—but I guess we have to wait for the David Foster/Jay-Z mash-up album for that one.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Oprah’s site is hosting it until tomorrow at 5 p.m. ET. Your mother will probably send you an e-mail about it sometime within the next few hours.

America’s Song [Mike Barthel’s Tumblr]