The Jonas Brothers Are Virtually In Your Lap

Dan Gibson | February 27, 2009 10:30 am

Our look at the closing lines of the week’s biggest new-music reviews takes a tween detour to read the somewhat awkward reactions to Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, in theatres today.

• “How they reacted to seeing all the crowds was actually the most surprising part of the movie. Maybe they’re saving it all for the very special DVD Concert Experience ,on sale soon, no doubt.” [Glenn Gamboa, Newsday]

• “I refer to the moment where the 
boys grab big fire hoses, hold them like… fire hoses… and spray the heads of their moaning girl fans with thick geysers of, um, foam. The girls respond by holding up their lighted little wands. The whole sequence becomes so phallic that the movie seems to be breaking loose toward Spinal Tap territory. Then it 
 returns safely to Disney earth with the 
 heavenly message encoded in the boys’ finger jewelry: Abstinence only, kids!” [Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly]

• “Taking the stage, alongside a platoon of session men riffing for their supper while the boys do their tumbling act, are walk-ons like grinning, dusted sugarplum Demi Lovato and Miss Taylor Swift, singing her jilted, avenging-angel ‘Should’ve Said No.’ Thanks to intrusive dueting, Swift doesn’t top the barn-burning theatrics of her CMA performance, but amid such company, she’s positively hardcore.” [Nick Pinkerton, Village Voice]

• “The greatest sense of danger or tension in this film derives from the digital 3-D technology, which provides closer, more lovingly detailed views than the most expensive seats—and makes it appear as if objects from sunglasses to a police baton are lunging out at you. The threat may be as illusory as the thrills in Jonas Brothers are contrived. But that won’t stop Jonas junkies from enjoying their magical mystery tour.” [USA Today]