An Open Follow-Up Question To Katy Perry

Dan Gibson | March 27, 2009 12:00 pm

Ms. Perry: Your brief interview in this month’s issue of Esquire, complete with lingerie photo spread, was about as illuminating as anyone should expect from you at this point for the first 90%. (Side note to that magazine’s online editors: As people who know how important it is to get that SEO shine, we salute you for titling the Web version “Katy Perry Hot—Sexy Pictures Of Katy Perry.”) You’re influenced by “classic No Doubt,” you like to play pretty guitars, you like Queen.. We get it. But at the very end, something you said confused me.

Here is what I couldn’t quite get my head around:

ESQ: Who were you channeling at the photo shoot?

KP: I aimed a little bit sexy with the hair. I wanted to just grow up a little bit. I’ll be twenty-five this year.

ESQ: You’re trying to grow out of the banana?

KP: No. But I can’t always play the innocent Lolita sex kitten.

ESQ: Do you think that affects the way people perceive your music?

KP: Yep. It’s the whole package. But people who want to tag along for the ride, they’ll understand and they’ll get the joke and they’ll realize that I wrote the fucking joke.

What’s the joke? I honestly don’t get it. The 618th rerun of the MTV Europe Video Awards you hosted and was on Palladia the other night, and for most of the broadcast—when you weren’t riding a dildo, anyway—you seemed to have that same blankish stare on your face that you tend to have. You know, the one when it looks like there’s too much information out there for you to process at one time? If there’s a “Doctoring The Tardis” type meta-gag going on, I’d love to be in on it, but to me, it just seems like you’ve developed this mildly titillating career based on a watered down version of the Madonna paradigm.

I could be wrong, so if you could just let me know (I’m sure we could get you a comment ID), I’d be willing to stop saying that you’re a detriment to American pop culture. I think that’s a fair deal. Otherwise, I’m just going to assume Esquire might have nailed it when the intro to your interview says “Because, man, can she sing. And, you know, she looks like this…” Well, with the exception of the “can she sing” part.

Thanks, Dan Gibson

Katy Perry: A Woman We Love [Esquire]

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