The “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” Auction: Cherry Wine, Sadly, Not Included

Idolator emeritus Jess Harvell forwarded me the news of a teeny slice of the performance royalties for the late Jermaine Stewart’s 1986 anti-sex, pro-cherry-wine screed “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” being up for auction with the subject line “Finally, Idolator can have the theme song it’s always deserved.” (Although maybe he was referring to Gym Class Heroes’ Patrick Stump-featuring, Stewart-interpolating “Clothes Off!,” which also will have a similar part of itself on the auction block next month? Regardless.) Anyway, with a minimum bid of $1,000 (plus fees), I don’t think that either track’s theme-song status is going to be elevated to anything more than “honorary.” But it’s still a good enough excuse to post embeds of both tracks, and a note about the math involved in the transaction.

As Choire at The Awl pointed out, the deal’s math would result in your investment resulting in you seeing “A SHINY ROUND 2.5 PENNIES” for every performance-royalty-earning dollar that whatever track you bought would earn. Not to mention that your winnings would not include a chance to somehow help the song’s lyrical accuracy on on karaoke machines around the world. (One time I tried to sing it and was greeted with the line “So come on baby, won’t you show your bag” on the pre-chorus. “Show your bag”? What does that even mean?)

So on that note, here is the Gym Class Heroes song! Also if anyone wants to buy me either of these rights-bundles as a present despite the semi-dubious economics involved, please don’t forget that my last name has a “t” in it.

[SongVest; HT JEss] Things You Can Own: “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” [The Awl] Gym Class Heroes – Clothes Off Music Video [Dailymotion]