The “Lady GaGa Is A Hermaphrodite” Rumor Is A Sign That We’re All Just Doomed

noah | August 7, 2009 11:00 am

Like the Timex Social Club, I spend a lot of time lamenting the rumors that surround me every day. How do they get started? And where do they get crazy? In Truthmonger, I’ll try to suss out the kernels of truth in the rumors that are taking up airspace in gossip columns, blogs, and our tips inbox. THE RUMOR: OMG, you guys! Lady GaGa has a penis! TRUTH THRESHOLD: Oh, why don’t you just guess. LIKELY TRUTHS: Well, yes. Lady GaGa does prefer to wear tight-fitting briefs with nothing covering them up. It’s part of her art, you know. So why did the “GaGa has a dick” rumor catch fire this week? The one-two punch of a very blurry video clip that has people wondering whether or not she is packing (and has me wondering if these speculators have ever seen naked genitalia before) and an old quote that’s purportedly from the Gagmeister herself:

Its not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesnt interfere much with my life. the reason I haven’t talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. like come on. its not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. i have both a poon and a peener. big fucking deal.

LIKELY FALSEHOODS: So, guess what? Like the “Kanye is campaigning for King Of Pop” rumor before it, this little tale is from a not-very-funny satire site. (Other headlines: “Angelina Jolie Steals Asian Child,” “Paris Hilton Takes New Job.”) Yeah. And is this blurry still from a video really something that you would think of as “hard evidence”? Er, pun not intended.

Right. In conclusion, here is how I feel about the Internet today:
lady gaga hermaphrodite [Google] Lady Ga-Ga Admits True Sex [StarrTrash] [Animated GIF via ONTD]