Ke$ha Enlightens The Masses On Making Out, Glitter And Drunk-Tweeting

Why is that when John Mayer talks candidly about his sexual habits, it makes us want to up-chuck in a bucket, but when Ke$ha does it, we just wanna pat her on the shoulder and buy her another round?

“I’m so not a slut. No. No, no, no. No sex tapes,” she tells Entertainment Weekly. “I mean, there might be a tape of me kicking a parking meter, but like…I just get stupid.”

Awww. We know you do, girl. Head below to read more of Ke$ha’s kla$$y quotes from the latest issue of EW!

“I’m sure you gathered this by now: I just do what I want,” Ke$ha says, when asked about hooking up with both men and women. “Have I made out with chicks? Hell yeah. Did I think it was awesome? Hell yeah. I wouldn’t call myself bi. Like, if I didn’t eat meat for a week, it doesn’t make me a vegetarian. So I like people, and that’s just it. I like people.”

See, and people say she’s copping Lady Gaga’s schtick…! As if.

More Ke$ha-isms:

* “If I smear glitter on my face, you don’t have a choice—you will be more attracted to me.”

* “I’m the worst [with drunk texting]. And then Twitter happened! Because now it’s drunk Twitter, and that goes out to the world. That’s not just one person, that’s like public humiliation. But when I get tipsy, I get really frisky.”

* “First of all, the gay community are some of the most faithful fans… A lot of the gay community just embraces pop for what it is, which is fun. And they’re not afraid to enjoy it. They’re just hungry for new, fresh stuff. Which a lot of, no offense, a lot of straight men are just lazy.”

* On her ex Stephen, who she sings about on Animal: ““We hooked up like twice. He was like the only guy on the planet who would just not give me the time of day. I did not understand why. I would try so hard, I would look so hot, I would make outfits for the next time I would see him in two weeks.”

* People always think I’m drunk or messed up. I’m not. I just am a little bit out of my mind.”

Overall, these latest bits of wisdom from pop’s most elegant dame were pretty decent—though we’ve still yet to hear her top the “breaking condom” quote she gave Billboard.