Today In ‘Idol’: Kara DioGuardi Sings “Sober” Like A Drunk Woman

:: Crystal Bowersox is the only Season 9 finalist to make the Idol airplay chart. An Ohio radio station has been playing Crystal’s pre-Idol song “Holy Toldeo” so much that it’s charting at #90. Not too shabby for someone still competing on the show. [Idol Chatter]

:: Siobhan Magnus, Lee DeWyze and Michael Lynche all got tattoos together over the weekend. We’re going to assume all three got Ryan Seacrest’s face as a tramp stamp. [Idol Tracker]

:: Season 8’s visually impaired Danny Gokey pimps his stylin’ specs in a Wisconsin Vision commercial, where he admits that he dreams of owning “a million glasses.” Maybe if he moves into the If I Can Dream house his fantasies will come true! [VFTW]

:: After the jump, watch Kara DioGuardi singing Pink’s “Sober” (which, you may already know, was written by DioGuardi), and join us in imagining what the Idol judges’ comments would be on Kara’s performance. [MJs Big Blog]

Randy: Kara, how you feelin’ tonight? You feelin’ good? Look, it was just alright for us, dawg. It was pitchy and just, I dunno. And the dancing? Just not good, dawg, not good. Not your best performance. E?

Ellen: I’m a big Kara fan, always have been. You remind me of a plate of salad, and sometimes I like salad and it’s got lots of croutons and big ripe tomatoes and maybe even some Caesar dressing, but tonight I was in the mood for a steak and I got salad. So I was a little disappointed, but I’m still a Kara fan!

Kara: I really think you’re really trying too hard. I know you’ve got it in you, but the overdramatic flailing and the cracked vocals made it almost painful to watch. Pink is one of the greatest pop singers of all time, and if you’re going to take on one of her best songs, you’ve got to nail it, and I don’t think you did tonight, sweetie.

Simon: For singing a song called “Sober,” you acted completely drunk. It was dreadful, self-indulgent and a huge, awkward mess. I think you’re in a lot of trouble tonight.