‘American Idol’: Jessica Sanchez And The Middling Top 12 Girls

scognata | March 1, 2012 9:24 am

Early in last night’s episode, when the Top 12 ladies sang live for your votes, judge Randy Jackson admitted that they had gone easy, criticism-wise, on American Idol‘s Top 13 boys. It was a strange point to make, because wasn’t that the point in the first place? Since Simon Cowell and his scathing one-liners left the show, it’s been soft pats on the back and commentary couched in encouragement from Idol‘s panel of nice guys. Was Randy saying this was all about to change and the criticism was about to get, well, real? It didn’t.

Chelsea Sorrell started off the night singing American Idol Season 4 winner Carrie Underwood’s “Cowboy Casanova.” In her pre-performance tape we find out that she’s the flesh-and-blood equivalent of a Tickle Me Elmo, all giggling and bouncing and girly babytalk. She was high and nasal on the rollicking country track and sang it almost through clenched teeth. (Girl, just open your mouth!) Technically, she hit all the notes, but there was nothing behind them.

Whoever makes the fashion decisions on Idol decided to put Rhode Island DJ Erika Van Pelt in an all-black jacket and legging combo from Pea In The Pod. Along with her hazy alto range, the outfit aged her two decades beyond her 26 years. An old look demands an older sound, so she chose Heart’s “What About Love.” It was faithful and mediocre and wholly unexciting. Whatever. The judges were all like, “Good job!”

We next find out that Jen Hirsh has an old-looking boyfriend and her family owns a vineyard up along the Pacific Coast Highway in California, and it just kind of turned us off her. (We are the 99%!) We were even more turned off when she under-delivered on Adele’s “One and Only”. There are always great moments when Jen sings, usually when she cocks her head back and surrenders to letting the music explode out of her like a geyser. But it was less that and more pitchy pleading. Ryan asked her why she chose the song and she said she relates to it because she “went through” what Adele went through, meaning a breakup, maybe. Sorry, oldhead boyfriend in the pre-roll! She’s not over her ex!

Jen Hirch, “One and Only”

Oh, god, then it was on to Staten Island’s version of Miley Cyrus, Brielle Von Hugel. She began Otis Redding’s “(Sittin’ on) the Dock in the Bay” sitting in the pit among the boys, making seductive duck-face at the camera before strolling to center stage in a skin-tight sundress. There wasn’t much to her lower registers, not until she got to the chorus where she put all the dirt and rasp (she learned from watching previous seasons of Idol and/or Christina Aguilera) behind her voice. Jennifer Lopez freaking loved it and complimented how well she engaged the audience. In the follow-up interview Brielle tells Ryan she “deserves” to be there.

Skylar Laine, a/k/a Reba McEntire’s Mini Me, wore a firecracker costume as she hopped, stomped, shook and sizzled through The Face’s “Stay With Me”. It was a lot of oh-no-you-didn’t faces and crowd-pleasing “engagement” that Randy ate right up. He’s never seen “rockin’ country” before, you see. So there, you have it, folks. Skylar’s schtick through the rest of this season will be Country Rocker Girl. Let’s hope for her sake that her go-go juice reserves don’t run dry.

Skylar Laine, “Stay With Me”

So, one of the things we noticed on the regular was that when a performance was particularly lackluster, the judges would tell the contestant how pretty she is. The prettier you are, the worse your chances of making it through. Enter Hallie Day, who really, is such a lovely looking girl, but has the energy level of someone who’s just taken two Valium. She did Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good,” which: Girl! Don’t you know Jennifer Hudson does that song in the Weight Watchers ad that’s airing in the commercial breaks for this very show? Hallie spent a lot of time high-fiving the front row of the audience and not a lot of time controlling her pitch. Randy asked her what kind of artist she wants to be and she barely managed to say something about “soul”. Bye, doll.

Beauty pagent–pretty Baylie Brown sang Lonestar’s “Amaze,” which is the opposite of what it did. She looked so pretty, though! Her hair was pretty and her long, pink dress was pretty! Don’t worry, Baylie. Even when you go home next week, you’ll still be so pretty!

Hollie Cavanagh was very confusing! Did she always talk like that? Here was this little pale-haired girl with a lisp, who you’re thinking “This is not a star personality” and then all of a sudden this Amazon voice explodes out of her on Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection.” Even though it was the best performance of the night so far, Steven Tyler tells her she needs to let her hair down.

Hollie Cavanagh, “Reflection”

Haley Johnsen committed American Idol suicide when she chose “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics. At first we thought “How fun! An electro-dance version of Annie Lennox!” And then we remembered that the original was an electro-dance song. Johnsen’s take made it into an muddy, eerie mess. Then — surprise! Randy grew a pair and called the act his “nightmare”. Wow, how bad must you be if the most pressing thing Randy Jackson has to tell you is NOT how pretty you are?   Not only does Shannon Magrane look like an angel but she sounds like one too on her cover of contemporary Christian power ballad “Go Light Your World.” She told Ryan that she sang it because it was in her “soul.” Jennifer Lopez admitted it was the first performance of the night to give her “goosies”, which is JLo for “goosebumps.”

Shannon Magrane, “Go Light Your World”

Then it’s time for little Jessica Sanchez — but, what’s this? JSan (we’re totally using that from now on) drops the bombshell that she’s been having trouble with her voice, causing her to sacrifice coveted rehearsal time in order to preserve her precious tool. We think it was a drama trap. Because, as usual, Jess blew us the eff away when she belted out Jennifer Hudson’s version of “I Do” from Dreamgirls. Like, why even go on with the remaining 352 weeks of this season? Jessica is the winner, period, end of sentence. Let’s not drag this thing out any longer than we have to.

Jessica Sanchez, “I Do”

Gritty power-singer Elise Testone proved her worth with a soulful take on “One and Only” by Adele. It was much more stylistic and heartfelt and believable performance than Jen Hirsh’s version from earlier in the night, so watch your back, Jen! With flowers (she procured from the last few days’ worth of room service) in her hair, Elise did the first half of the song behind the piano, then stood up for the big crescendo.

Worst of the night: Pretty, pretty Baylie Brown‘s pitchy performance wasn’t pretty at all.

Best of the night: Jessica Sanchez continues to be the woman to beat, but wildcard Elise Testone, the surprising Hollie Cavanagh, and good girl Shannon Magrane will put up a fight.

Tonight: The 2012 American Idol Season 11 Top 10 will be revealed!

Tonight the girls kicked it up a notch, proving they can compete with the boys, but which ladies really deserves a place in the Top 10? Sound off in the comments, or on Twitter and Facebook.