‘American Idol’ Producers Hatch Secret Plot To Replace Mariah Carey With Jennifer Lopez, Get Foiled

Here’s the most compellingly weird story you’ll hear this week: According to The Hollywood Reporter, a generally credible media outlet with fine enough standards of journalistic integrity that we have to trust there’s at least a kernel of truth in it, the producers of American Idol have been so disappointed with Mariah Carey‘s lackluster performance on the show (let’s face it, she’s just not very fun to watch) that they wanted to replace her with fan favorite Jennifer Lopez, who was actually pretty great last year — and they woulda got away with it, too! But then Mariah’s lawyers (who look like Snidely Whiplash in our imagination) threatened them with litigation and the whole thing got shut down pretty quick. So much for that.

Still! It’s kind of awesome, right? Backstabbing and Machiavellian and ruthless and exciting, like a James Bond movie starring Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez, which would be much better than a regular Bond movie. 

At any rate, “Knowledgable sources” say that Carey is definitely going to be replaced next season, most likely alongside Nicki Minaj (who is popular with many viewers but alienates Idol‘s “core viewer [who] is a midwestern, Southern, older woman who is threatened by Nicki’s aggressiveness”) and all of the other judges, too. No doubt this is all to combat flagging ratings, which have been dropping steadily since the show’s respectable premiere (currently, its results show pulls in worse ratings than repeats of The Big Bang Theory, which is really just yikes all around).

But fret not: Mariah will still be snoozing through the rest of this season.

[via The Hollywood Reporter]