The 10 Stages Of Breakup Grieving, As Told By Britney Spears

Jordan Miller | September 2, 2013 6:00 am

It’s Britney Spears day on Idolator, and we’re bringing you a full day’s worth of Britney-related content from a host of all-star contributors — and this one comes courtesy of Jordan Miller, host of the biggest and best Britney Spears fansite out there, Read on!

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you remember how that time in your life was magical, inspiring and unpredictable! You could fly! You were like a ringleader! You called the shots! But then — it crashed and burned into a million pieces, and all you’re left with is a lump of coal where your heart used to be.

Okay — that’s a little dramatic because sure, you’ll find it again some day, but you’ve irrevocably gone through some shit — and if you could convey your breakup through Britney Spears songs, it probably went something like this.

Stage 1: The Messy Breakup

1. Shattered Glass

Album: Circus Producers: Dr. Luke & Benny BlancoYou just realized your relationship is passed the point of repair, and it’s time to break up. It’s broken, and whatever you had shattered into a million damn pieces. One of you royally screwed up (him, obviously him) and all you can hope for is that he’s doing worse off than you are. No, you’re an adult and wish him well. LOL JK. Not really.Choice Quote: “You’re gonna see me in your dreams tonight My face is gonna haunt you all the time I promise that you gon’ want me back When your world falls apart like shattered glass”

2. Inside Out

Album: Femme FataleProducers: Dr. Luke, Max Martin & BillboardYou just can’t let go yet and reached out to your ex. Maybe you’ll get back together? Deep down, you know the end is imminent, but you want him to come over anyway — “just to talk.” Your conversation turns physical, and unfortunately it just feels so right.Choice Quote: “Even though we couldn’t last forever, baby, you know what I want right now Hit me one more time, it’s so amazing how you shook my world and flipped it upside down You’re the only one who ever drove me crazy ’cause you know me inside out”

3. Showdown

Album: In The ZoneProducers: Bloodshy & AvantIt’s been two weeks without communication, and you miss him. Or you miss the drama. No, you miss him. Right? Suddenly, your phone lights up and he wants to come over, but you know there’s nothing left to say. Screw it — you want it, and you love to emotionally torture yourself. You’ll learn eventually.Choice Quote: “Cause if we break up Then we can make up Shake my body all night Here comes the showdown”