20 Things Sex Is Like, According To Justin Timberlake’s Complete ’20/20 Experience’

Carl Williott | October 1, 2013 11:18 am

Pop music is rife with clunky sexual metaphors (Lady Gaga‘s ride on the disco stick, 50 Cent‘s visit to the candy shop, 98 Degreesmic check, Flo Rida‘s whistle-w(h)etting to name but a few recent examples). You may even remember the urban legend that every Dave Matthews Band song was actually about sex, a theory that likely made you either love or hate the band even more. Well, that’s sort of the theme with Justin Timberlake‘s The 20/20 Experience – 2 Of 2, the lustfulness of which comes as sort of a shock after JT played the comfy romantic in (most of) 1 Of 2. This time around, he employs pop’s oldest trick at every turn, chronicling his carnal desires via a bevy of analogies (some of them song length), including: a PG version of Trent Reznor‘s desire to “fuck you like an animal” on “Gimme What I Don’t Know (I Want),” a thirst for your blood inspired by the horny vampires on True Blood, plus “Murder,” which is about dying to have sex (I think?).

Of course, Timberlake has done this before. On Volume 1’s “Pusher Love Girl,” love was literally a form of heroin or cocaine. And on “Strawberry Bubblegum,” Timberlake likened his partner’s and his own nether regions, respectively, to pink gum and a blueberry lollipop (do blueberry lollipops even exist?). Whether you think these sexual colloquialisms are awesomely bad or just plain bad, there’s no denying it’s all part of an enlightening and odd lyrical crutch JT has adopted during his regal comeback.

Below, we’ve listed all the things sex is like, according to lyrics from both volumes of The 20/20 Experience. Time to separate the boys and girls and chuckle through sex ed. 

According to Justin Timberlake, sex is like…

1. Doing all the drugsRoll you up and let it run through my veins…I love this high we’re onto / And I know that your supply / Won’t run out anytime soon / Cause you gave me a taste, now I know that there’s no getting off you…I can’t wait ’til I get home to get you in my veins — “Pusher Love Girl”

2. Eating candyAny flavor you want / Now my selection is the tasty kind…If you’d be strawberry bubblegum / Then I’d be your blueberry lollipop / And then I’d love you til I make you pop — “Strawberry Bubblegum”

3. Shopping for candyI’m gettin’ my way like a kid in a candy store / I think you got what I want — “Body Count”

4. A nativity sceneCause I got you saying Jesus so much its like we’re laying in the manger — “Cabaret”

5. Boxing All of “TKO,” especially this: Now I really know what were fighting for / This rematch sex is amazing.

6. Being a caged and/or wild animalTake me to your jungle, I’m not afraid / And if you’re looking for your animal, hop in my cage — “Gimme What I Don’t Know (I Want)”

7. Being a cartoon animal“Crawl in and tear off your hide” — “Gimme What I Don’t Know (I Want)”

8. Using an SLR cameraMy camera lenses only get set to zoom / And it all becomes so clear — “Tunnel Vision”

9. Making a movieJust like the movie shoot, I’m zooming in on you / Everything is extra in the background, just fades into the set — “Tunnel Vision”

10. Being a vampire All of “True Blood”

11. Space explorationHop into my spaceship coupe / There’s only room for two (Me and you) / And with the top down we’ll cruise around / Land and make love on the moon…Drive me to your galaxy where I could play, yeah (That milky way) — “Spaceship Coupe”

12. A massive interstellar collisionBaby this is the part / Where you and me and all of the stars collide — “Spaceship Coupe”

13. Singing operaI had a shy little quiet girl but now she sings opera, loud — “Body Count”

14. Incandescent lightbulbsBy the end of the night when you hot like a light — “Body Count”

15. Receiving gratuityWaitress ’til she got that tip, ha ha — “Body Count”

16. Going to the DMVSign up, put your name down — “Body Count”

17. A competitionIf sex is a contest, then you’re coming first — “Cabaret”

18. Working from homeCause even though I’m a professional / I like to do my work at home — “Cabaret”

19. Murdering and/or being murderedAnd with all that below your waist / Girl, you know the next scene is murder / Maybe you need to watch out something might go down / Girl, your body is gonna end up / Under the ground — “Murder”

20. Doing one of those body scans from the Alien trilogyI’m trying to find an alien in you — “Spaceship Coupe”

Do you think JT was successful with his sexual metaphors on Volume 2? Let us know below, or by hitting us up on Facebook and Twitter!