‘Glee’ Recap: The “Previously Unaired Christmas” Episode Puts The “F” In Festive

Lisa Timmons | December 6, 2013 1:40 pm

We’re treated to a blast from a hypothetical Christmas past with last night’s episode, “Previously Unaired Christmas.” While it is actually a new episode, it’s intended to be a peek at what was going on with the Glee kids during the 2012 holiday season. Everyone gets a chance to wax nostalgic and learn a little lesson about the spirit of Christmas.

Sue Sylvester introduces the episode in a beautifully decorated living room, complete with gorgeous felt stockings hung by the chimney with care. She explains the flashback premise, and so it begins!

Will announces that this week’s theme is based on a green Christmas — more specifically, “Green is good.” Tina and Sam, in charge of the Christmas committee, do some some fast-talking where they explain that special magical angel Christmas ornament that Tina really wants. The Christmas club meeting is basically just a continuation of glee club. However, in it, Artie announces there will be a nativity scene. Jake is cast as Joseph, but the rest of the roles appear to be up for grabs.

In NYC, Santana and Kurt exchange presents. Santana encourages him to enjoy his new single status following his split from Blaine. Rachel arrives and is treated to the surprise of visiting Santana’s presence. Rachel then excitedly informs them she’s planned to have them work as Christmas elves at the Midtown mall. Kurt and Santana seems suspicious, but Rachel’s enthusiasm ultimately wins out.

Tina and Sam powerwalk through the halls while brainstorming green Christmas decoration ideas. Becky interrupts their meeting with a mistletoe hat, lasciviously demanding kisses. Sue pops up and informs her it’s actually poison sumac on her hat and sends her to the nurse’s office. Sue takes this opportunity to tell Sam and Tina she’s in charge of judging the 50th annual Christmas tree decoration contest and is looking forward to giving the glee club terrible marks for their tree decorations.

At Midtown mall, a mass of angry children chant for Santa. Kurt, Santana and Rachel look festive in their somewhat skimpy elf costumes. The grumpy-looking actor playing Santa arrives looking drunk and disheveled and reads Kurt the riot act before dipping to the bathroom to go drink. To keep the kids from attacking them, Kurt, Santana and Rachel bust out an impromptu rendition of “Here Comes Santa Claus.” They do their best, but unfortunately, once the song ends, so does the crowd’s patience and the kids start rioting.

Marley approaches Kitty to talk about auditioning for the role of the Virgin Mary. Kitty immediately and vehemently shoots down the idea that she should try out for the part.

Santana appears to have let Calgon take her far, far away from the Midtown mall as she relaxes in a soapy bathtub. Her reverie is broken when she gets a phone call from Rachel and Kurt who beg her to return to the mall to help them as Mrs. Claus. Can we take a moment to revel in her alter ego of Santana Claus?

Back at glee club, the gang sings “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” as they decorate their tree and have a great time with a gang of antlers and other eco-friendly decorations.

Santana returns to the mall, having agreed to play Mrs. Claus, as the actor playing Santa is indisposed (read: wasted). Santana channels Mariah Carey‘s Merry Christmas album in her fetching red frock and proceeds to be the biting, sarcastic Mrs. Claus one would expect (nay hope) from Santana.

Sue Sylvester arrives at glee club to judge the Christmas tree, sporting a somber black and red-striped jogging pantsuit. After a detailed explanation of their “green” tree, Sue is reluctantly complimentary. It looks like they’ve bested Sue this round.

Auditions for the Virgin Mary that gets pretty racy when Unique, Marley and Tina sing their version of  “Mary’s Boy Child/Oh My Lord.” Kitty appears disturbed but keeps it to herself.

Hot Santa shows up to save the day at the mall. Abs on display, he deputizes them as his sexy Santa elves and presumptuously invites himself to dinner at their loft. Because of his hotness, they ignore just how forward he’s being.

Meanwhile, the glee club wins the decoration contest, which results in a rageful outburst from Becky. Tina’s anger appears when Marley gets cast as the Virgin Mary instead of her. Kitty confesses to Marley that she wouldn’t deserve to be the Virgin Mary, likening herself to Mary Magdalene.

At the loft, Sexy Santa Cody marvels at the size of their apartment, which admittedly, is enormous, especially considering they’re living off Christmas elf wages. They all drink egg nog and when Cody learns that they know each other from glee club in high school, he asks if they take requests. Several huffs from some helium balloons later, they bust out into a high-pitched version of “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late).” They collapse into a drunk, happy pile on the couch.

Tina strolls the halls with Sam, triumphantly carrying their prize of the angel Christmas ornament. Becky runs into them, bummed that she lost the competition.

Rachel and Santana drunkenly chat as Rachel encourages Santana to move in with them. They overhear Cody and Kurt making out. Caught, they chug more egg nog and it’s all fun and sexy games. In the morning, Rachel awakens, covered in tinsel and hung over. Santana is equally trashed. They stumble into the livingroom to see the apartment ransacked. They find Kurt tied up, wearing antlers with a gag in his mouth. Once they remove it, he tells them it was Cody who robbed them.

Blaine wants Kitty to play Mary to make her feel better about herself, which will hopefully, make her feel like she can be nicer to everyone else. Tina and Sam decide to give the angel decoration to Becky. Everyone’s being very selfless as Unique claims to have a secret plan to get Kitty to take on the role of Mary. With the entire Christmas club assembled, including Kitty, Unique sports a wig and super sparkly Diana Ross-inspired gown to lead Marley and Tina in rendition of the Supremes‘ “Love Child.” Kitty reacts in revulsion and offers to play the part of Mary, proving that Unique’s plan worked.

Tina and Sam lie and tell Becky there was a recount and she won the angel. They also offer her a part in the nativity scene. She is touched.

Kurt laments their situation as burglary victims, but the always positive Rachel has already managed to find them each new jobs.

The nativity scene is nearly complete when Becky arrives as Baby Jesus, the manger resting comfortably around her neck. Kitty finishes the scene when she shows up as the Virgin Mary for them to sing “Away In A Manger.” Kurt, Rachel and Santana join in from their new gigs as storefront mannequins.

All in all, everyone learned a lesson about giving. Except for Sexy Santa Cody. His lesson was more about taking. We can only hope that all that egg nog is going to eventually catch up to him and thwart his plans to maintain his rock hard abs.

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