10 Flop Star Dudes Time Forgot…But We Never Will

Jonathan Riggs | July 11, 2014 5:30 am

It was so much fun celebrating pop’s divas who clawed their way to the middle that we’re shining the spotlight on the dudes who did the same. Although they may be more likely today to upsell your fast-food order than to sell out arenas, nothing can take away their brush — however brief — with fame. Wherever you are and whoever you became, pop dudedom’s almost-wases and never-weres, we’ll never stop singing along with you!

10. Houston

Debut album: It’s Already Written (2004)Best Single: “I Like That”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 11His Secret Weapon: An unparalleled fork game.His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “RIP Houston’s eye and career.”

9. Jordy

Debut album: Pochette Surprise (Surprise Package) (1992)Best Single: “Dur Dur D’être Bébé! (It’s Tough to Be a Baby)”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 58His Secret Weapon: Having more Billboard Hot 100 chart success than Josh Groban, N.W.A., The Smiths, Björk or The Ramones. We repeat: Jordy has had more Billboard Hot 100 chart success than Josh Groban, N.W.A., The Smiths, Björk, or The Ramones. Thanks, Obama!His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “French people…lol”

8. Simon Van Kempen

Debut album: n/aBest Single: “I Am Real”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aHis Secret Weapon: Andy Cohen’s not-so-secret vendetta against all that is good and decent.His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “u have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!! Simon sit down!”

7. Aaron Carter

Debut album: Aaron Carter (1998)Best Single: “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 35His Secret Weapon: Serving as Hilary Duff’s “So Yesterday.”His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “One time, this guy and I were sitting out in the school courtyard eating lunch. I was helping him do his homework, but he was listening to music from his earphones, and I was so irritated because I kept calling him every two minutes but he could not hear me. So at last I unplugged his earphones from his phone and this song rang through the phone’s speakers. A bunch of people looked at us, and when he realized, I saw fifty shades of red on his face. Gosh, the memories. ”

6. Evan and Jaron

Debut album: We’ve Never Heard of You, Either (1998)Best Single: “Crazy for This Girl”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 15Their Secret Weapon: Wonder Twin powers, undress activate!Their Most Eloquent YouTube Defender:Dawson’s Creek brought me here. 14 years ago I remember this being the theme of the budding Pacey & Joey affair that really shifted the goalpost.”

5. Sum 41

Debut album: All Killer, No Filler (2001)Best Single: “In Too Deep”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aTheir Secret Weapon: The Lavigne le vagin.Their Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “I was 17 when this song came out. Awesome time…right up until 9/11.”

4. Mitchel Musso

Debut album: Mitchel Musso (2009)Best Single: “The In Crowd”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aHis Secret Weapon: Proximity to the holy Hannah Montana wig.His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “Remember how this changed everybody’s world when it came out?”

3. soulDecision

Debut album: No One Does It Better (2000)Best Single: “Faded”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 22Their Secret Weapon: All the raw sexual energy of a Canadian Glamour Shots mall kioskTheir Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “I remember listening to this song in a Mercury Villager. That day, I got head. Turn up.”

2. No Mercy

Debut album: No Mercy (1996)Best Single: “Where Do You Go”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5Their Secret Weapon: The International Male catalog operators on speed dial.Their Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “I always wonder where that hoe goes.”

1. David Archuleta

Debut album: David Archuleta (2008)Best Single: “Crush”Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 2His Secret Weapon: Getting lost in the craziest places! “Whoops — is this a gay bar?! Oopsie!His Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “Timid and a gentleman doesn’t always = gay. Ignorant people gon’ be ignorant.”

Which of your fave pop flops did we leave out this time around? Let us know below!

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