Justin Bieber’s Comedy Central Roast: Top 10 Moments

Lisa Timmons | March 31, 2015 5:30 am
Justin Bieber Strips For 'Vogue'
Justin Bieber is showing what he's working with — once again.

Whether you’re a diehard Belieber or a staunch anti-Justin disciple, you can’t deny that the man knows how to give the public what it wants. Justin Bieber turned up to his Comedy Central roast wearing a suit and a smile, even when being verbally pummeled by professional joke-makers.

Star of Get Hard and standup comedian Kevin Hart, acted as host for the evening’s festivities. He proved more than up to the task, delivering zingers left and right and bounding all over the stage like an insult-wielding Energizer bunny in a suit. He led the pack of roasters, which included Martha Stewart, Chris D’Elia, Natasha Leggero, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, Hannibal Buress, Pete Davidson, Shaquille O’Neal and veteran roaster, Jeffrey Ross.

While there was some predictable Bieber bashing that included the standard fare of comparing his appearance to that of a lesbian, gay prison jokes and talking about his ex, Selena Gomez, the roast was overall one of the most entertaining specials of its kind in recent years.

And with that, here are the top ten moments of the evening.

1. Justin Faking His Own Death
The show kicked off with Justin suspended from the ceiling with fake angel wings and what appeared to be faulty wiring. For a split-second, it truly looked as if the pop star had plummeted to his demise at the very start of the show. Despite having seen the promos all week long and knowing this wasn’t the case, I have to say it looked impressively realistic.

2. Snoop Dogg Going Off Script
Snoop definitely had good jokes, delivering zingers like, “Congratulations, Hannibal Buress. You are the only Bill Cosby accuser making money off of him,” and giving Justin the nickname, “Vanilla ISIS.” But it was when the rapper couldn’t help but improvise and went on a n-bomb spree, thoroughly exasperating emcee, Kevin Hart, that he really stole the spotlight.

3. Jeffrey Ross, The Consummate Roaster 
There’s a reason that Ross keeps turning up at these events. In fact, there are several, including jokes like telling Bieber, “You are the King Joffrey of Pop” and asking Kendall Jenner if she and Justin started dating after meeting on “OK Stupid.”

4. Newcomer Pete Davidson
The young SNL cast member’s set was one of the funniest ones to watch. Stepping to the podium, he joked that the event was being hosted by Shaquille O’Neal’s penis and proceeded to thank the NBA star for “taking a break from throwing barrels at Super Mario.” Joking about his father’s death on 9/11, he asserted that “Soul Plane was the worst experience of my life involving a plane.”

5. Tiny Kevin Hart
Even though the night was littered with jokes about Hart’s height, including Leggero announcing, “You look like someone put 50 Cent in the dryer,” none of them landed more successfully than simply witnessing the insane height differential between Hart and super-tall roasters Snoop Dogg and Shaq, who at one point physically picked Hart up to playfully swat at his rear end as if he were disciplining a petulant child.

6. Surprise Appearance from Ron Burgundy
Will Ferrell stepped to the podium in his iconic Anchorman character and started by nonchalantly flicking a lit cigarette in Justin’s face while nursing an old-fashioned. He immediately  launched into his insults by mispronouncing the pop star’s last name and listing Justin’s extensive rap sheet, pretending to applaud each offense. He boasted to the audience, “This kid has spunk, moxie and probably a few other STDs,” without once breaking character.

7. Natasha Leggero Pulling No Punches
The petite comedienne came out swinging and delivered a machine-gun style attack that had her telling Snoop, “You look like Shaq’s skeleton,” and asserting that D’Elia “answers the question, what if Dane Cook had half the talent and a rich father.” But she saved the best for Justin, telling him, “Seems like only yesterday, you were discovered on YouTube. Time flies when you’re a piece of shit.”

8. Jolly Shaquille O’Neal
No one laughed harder and more readily than the former professional basketball player. Often doubled over in his seat and dabbing tears from the corners of his eyes, half the fun of watching the roast was simply from watching O’Neal lose it over pretty much every joke, especially those told at his expense.

10. Hannibal Burress Just Being Honest
The young comedian seemed to simply, truly dislike Justin as much as most of the world. It was rather refreshing to hear what sounded more like confessions than jokes on stage. Of Justin’s discography, Burress said, “I think it’s bad, man. I don’t like it. I hate your music. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.”

9. Martha Stewart’s Prison Tips
While the material is less than fresh, seeing the domestic goddess wax poetic about how to craft a shank out of found materials remains a treat for me. But perhaps her best barb of the night was directed at Undateable star, Chris D’Elia, when she said, “I’ve come up with a douche that no one’s ever heard of like Chris D’elia.”

10. Justin Bieber Fights Back
Not to be outdone, the Biebs had his opportunity at the end of the night to throw a few zingers of his own. Early on, he quipped, “What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” And there’s no denying that his material was Grade-A. But then again, those are the kind of jokes $200 million buys you.

All in all, it was a fun night and Justin took the abuse like a champ. Time will only tell if he gives the world nearly as much material to work with for the next twenty-one years.

What did you think of Justin Bieber’s Comedy Central roast? Let us know below!