‘I Can Do That’: Ciara Jumps To Victory, Nicole Scherzinger Does The Splits & Joe Jonas Goes Blue
Three weeks into NBC’s I Can Do That, and we’re no closer to understanding the point of this show than when we started. But don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying every convoluted second.
Early on, we are reminded by host Marlon Wayans that celebrity contestants Ciara, Joe Jonas, Nicole Scherzinger, ninja turtle Alan Hutchinson and comedian Jeff Dye are competing for some as-of-yet-unnamed prize by enacting live performances from week to week. If you’re still not clear what the deal is, I am now emotionally incapable of explaining it again, so just read this.
We quickly launch into a look at last week’s performances and the first up is the Blue Man Group. Marlon explains that honorary Blue Men Joe and Alan are standing backstage, ready to kick off the evening’s festivities. During their training montage, we see that they will be doing some drumming, getting blue, catching things in their mouths and spitting paint onto canvases. It looks as disgusting as you’re probably imagining. Ugh, the sound of Joe Jonas spitting out blue and pink paint is just the worst.
During the live show, Alan and Joe do a good job as far as I can tell. They each catch a bunch of stuff in their mouths, with Alan stuffing his entire face with marshmallows and Joe spraying paint. Joe shows off his drumming skills, and I’m loving how they conveniently glossed over the fact that Joe’s already a drummer and basically a ringer for this performance.
Everyone is very positive about how the boys did, while Marlon jokes that it looked like “a dumb version of Avatar.” Ha!
Next, archer Ben Blaque trains Nicole and Jeff, where lives appear to be on the line. They start with Jeff showing up in a Robin Hood costume. Oh, producers! So silly! When Marlon shows up, they continue with their bit that Jeff isn’t taking it seriously and might accidentally shoot someone. What a laugh! Many wacky costume changes later, (surprise, surprise), he gets it together.
On stage, Nicole does a great job, while looking stunning in a tight, bronze dress. She drops into the splits to take her last shot. I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty impressive, especially when she nails a bullseye into an apple. She’s so pleased with herself, that for the second time this season, she spreads ’em for the audience. Jeff’s all dapper in his tux and nails the selfie crossbow bullseye.
Cheryl and Ciara show up to learn their double dutch jump rope routine. There’s a lot of hopping, sweating and soreness. Watching Ciara do all this without her hair up in a ponytail is giving me heat exhaustion.
When it’s go time, they perform their routine to Missy Elliot‘s “Get Ur Freak On.” They do a good job and Cheryl, especially, nails the fast jumping parts. The dance part is where Ciara really shines, of course, showing off her game face. During the voting part, there’s a bit where the contestants try to campaign to win. Nicole tries to bribe people with free edamame, when what she should be doing is spreading ’em again. Play to your strengths, woman!
Marlon announces that there are two teams tied for second place. After much ado, he reveals that the first place spot goes to Ciara and Cheryl. Now, I feel like the voting part might be staged too, because they really built up Ciara being in last place throughout this episode. But you know what? I’m along for the ride. Again, we see that Cheryl’s in the lead for earning points that appear to mean absolutely nothing. They could be getting frequent flyer miles for all we can tell.
Now we see next week’s act. First is Avenue Q. Joe Jonas immediately stands up with excitement. When the steps open up, Nicole cautiously climbs to the top. Cheryl claims to be tone deaf and asks not to be selected. Alan starts to sing and everyone loves it so much, it prompts Nicole to drop into the splits again. You can take the girl out of the Pussycat Dolls, but you can’t take the Pussycat Doll out of the girl. Alan’s singing is too ’90s boy band reject for my taste, but then again, I can’t do the splits.
To his credit, Joe quips, “I get paid a lot of money to sing ‘Happy Birthday’.” Ha! Leave it to the professionals, Alan! Nicole is now so excited, I believe she’s ready for a pap smear as she drops into her umpteenth split of the night. Wisely, I believe, she selects Joe. I note with amusement that Alan genuinely looks just a teensy bit slighted.
The second act is apparently the reason Marlon’s wearing a bandage on his hand. Hmm, where’s that footage? The Jam Performance Team comes out to what sounds like Mortal Kombat-style video game music. With flashing lights, flips and martial-arts moves, it’s a high-powered performance that’s sure to induce seizures. Ciara struts her way to the top in a tiny black dress, barely outpacing Alan. They bring up the fact that Alan played Raphael in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and, ultimately, Ciara picks him. Turtle power!
Lastly, Cheryl and Jeff find out they’re going to be training with a group named Pilobolus. It’s another one of those groups that’s hard to describe in words. Their act features physical feats of strength that combines, dance, strength and general weirdness, all while wearing sheer, white unitards. It should be crazy. Also, because I’m a perv, all I can see is butts.
So, next week, the zany antics continue! Are you ready for Jeff Dye’s tush in a skin-tight, stretchy body casing? I know I am.