Pop Perspective: Madonna’s “Bitch I’m Madonna” Video Reviewed By All Four Idolator Editors

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At Idolator, the editors share a passion for high-quality pop. Occasionally, our tastes align. Other times, not so much! So, in the spirit of debate, we’ve developed a recurring feature called Pop Perspective. Basically, all four of us dissect a particularly noteworthy pop event, and give it a rating out of 10.

That way you’re getting a full spectrum of views and we can all vent. (It’s cheaper than therapy!) The latest pop event to be dragged under the Idolator microscope is Madonna’s (kind of) star-studded “Bitch I’m Madonna” video. Is it a suitable tribute to the queen of pop or another embarrassing stumble in a seemingly doomed era? Read our thoughts below.

Robbie Daw — 6/10

I dig Madonna’s Rebel Heart as a whole, and there’s no question that it’s a much more solid effort than her last two LPs. But whoever was in charge of selecting the singles from this album ought to be whipped with a bejeweled riding crop and forced to listen to Hard Candy for 12 hours straight.

Sigh. “Bitch I’m Madonna” is the hands-down worst track on the album. (The only good part is at the end, when that annoying sound effect comes into play, because I like to imagine it’s Madonna rubbing helium-filled balloons on her boobs.) As for the video, it’s flashy and fun, if not a redux of Madge’s springtime Tonight Show performance of the song. In that sense, it falls in line with some of M’s more spirited visuals. But then there’s the flurry of shoehorned-in celebrity cameos, which just plays a bit awkward — especially given the coincidental timing of Taylor Swift’s equally star-studded “Bad Blood,” for which the guests actually showed up on set to share screen time with the singer.

Can we just get a damn video for “Joan Of Arc” or “Wash All Over Me” already?

Bianca Gracie — 5/10

If you thought the Tidal reign was going to let up, you were wrong! The streaming service continues to prove they’re worth subscribing to by dropping various music video exclusives — and the latest gem to fall out their rich sleeves is Madonna’s “Bitch I’m Madonna.”

Let this be a lesson to all pop stars out there: Do not overhype your projects if the end result fails to reach fans’ expectations. For weeks, Madge has been promoting this music video that would feature “many surprise guests.” But instead of maintaining the shock factor, the entertainer decided to throw a fan-made poster all over social media with some of the hottest names in the game: Beyonce, Katy Perry and featured rapper Nicki Minaj.

Fast forward to the actual video premiere (which dropped a day late, by the way) and the final clip just leaves me with a “meh” feeling. What is the point of including your music BFFs and fellow Tidal investors in your video (Rita Ora doesn’t count) if they are only shown for a brief moment? The phoned-in cameos — literally, it looked like Beyonce filmed her part on her iPhone 6 before putting Blue Ivy to bed — take away from what could have been a truly fun video!

Sure, the “Bitch I’m Madonna” is cute and campy — yet it’s is not enough for a legend like Madge at this stage. Like it or not, her Rebel Heart era has been a little topsy-turvy. So let’s hope her next single follow-up will provide the bang that we need!

Carl Williott — 5/10

As I said in the Review Revue, this would’ve been a very pleasant video experience had the cameos just happened. It would’ve been badass for Madonna to wrangle these casual, tossed-aside appearances without ever acknowledging them beforehand. But instead, she juiced up fans for big “surprise” reveals and fueled the Bad Bloodlust. So when the stars showed up via brief pasted-on remote clips, it ended up being oversold and underwhelming.

How can you flaunt all these famous friends without getting a single one of of them — not even the song’s featured artist! — in the room with you? The fact that Rita Ora was the only singer in the same physical space as Madge is almost poetic.

Mike Wass — 6/10

First of all, can we let Rita Ora live? That woman could find a cure for cancer and the headline would still read: “Irrelevant Flop Flukes Medical Breakthrough.”

As for “Bitch I’m Madonna,” I’m torn. This is one of the two songs on Rebel Heart that I like (the other is “Ghosttown”) and the video — if you overlook the embarrassing celebrity non-cameos — is actually exceedingly clever and cute. Jonas Åkerlund’s direction is as sharp as ever, the hallway choreography is flawless and somebody better give those sock puppets their own TV show. Oh, and let’s not forget our glowing heroine, who proves that 56 really is the new 21!

The most frustrating thing about the video is that it didn’t need a single celebrity appearance. Much like the song didn’t exactly demand Nicki’s lazy verse. If anyone has earned the right to drop a brag-anthem it’s Madonna. When is she going to realize that she doesn’t need to pepper her music and videos with whoever happens to be hot right now? People will still be checking out the Queen of Pop’s latest jam when she’s twirling around in a wheelchair. She is, and will always be, enough.

IDOLATOR SCORE: 22/40

What did you think of the video? Let us know in the comments below.

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