‘Scream Queens’ “Chainsaw” Recap: Two Red Devils & One Lea Michele Makeover

Lisa Timmons | September 30, 2015 7:03 am
'Scream Queens' Premiere: Recap
Ariana Grande & Nick Jonas get slain in the first episode...maybe?

The second episode of Scream Queens, entitled “Chainsaw,” introduced a second Red Devil into the mix, both of them wielding chainsaws under shiny red masks. And while we’re positive we know Boone (Nick Jonas) isn’t truly dead, it’s Ariana Grande‘s character, Chanel No. 2, who makes an appearance on social media, even though there’s no way she can be alive because — duh — she tweeted her own death. It’s an episode filled with lots of sawing, bloody limbs and makeovers. Truly something for everyone!

We open with “last girl standing,” Grace (Skyler Samuels) and her new bestie, Zaday (Keke Palmer), in a terrifying convenience store. The show continues its theme of era confusion by dressing the two girls in outfits clearly inspired by the ’70s, even though it’s supposed to be modern day with a twist of ’90s throwback. Anywho, they have a run-in with a Red Devil, who after a swift taser to the balls, is revealed to be a completely harmless co-ed named Eugene whom Zaday recognizes from her poli-sci class.

In ye old sorority house meat locker, Chanel No. 1 (Emma Roberts) and No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) argue over the inconvenience of all this murder. No. 5 would rather just bang dudes than have to worry about covering up all the deaths that have been taking place in the house. Fair enough. She threatens to ditch No. 1, leaving the original Chanel furious…and murderous, perhaps?

Grace and Zaday pop into No. 2’s room and note the mysterious stain on the floor. Hapless security guard, Denise (Niecy Nash) appears and immediately suspects it’s blood on the carpet, which she confirms by spraying luminol and shining a black light. Doing what she does best (lots and lots of exposition), she also shows the girls No. 2’s dying tweet. However, a peek at No. 2’s most recent Instagram shows a recent picture of her, which to anyone with half a brain, is clearly just her dead body awkwardly positioned on a lounge chair. At this point, the two girls decide to pay No. 2’s parents in Bel Air a visit.

I would also like to point out that within the space of ten minutes of this episode, and presumably on the same night, Grace and Zaday have already been in three different outfits from miscellaneous decades.

A candlelit “take back the night” vigil is taking place across campus, where everyone’s least favorite asshole boyfriend Chad (Glen Powell) marches with his fellow Dicky Dollar Scholars (whatever that means) in honor of their fallen friend, Boone. No. 1 runs to Chad and pleads to get back together with him while the classic Bone Thugs-N-Harmony tune “Crossroads” plays subtly in the background.

Per usual, Chad is a total dick to No. 1, telling her that her request that he “have sex with less people” is “controlling.” He tells her that her pledge class is the worst and that she’d be better off if they were dead. She gets a murderous glint in her eye. This show is just hemorrhaging red herrings at this point.

Chanel No. 3 (who, it should be noted, inexplicably wears furry earmuffs at all times — how quirky!) and lesbian Sam (Jeanna Han) share a moment.

At the Take Back The Night rally, Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) announces a new school mascot to replace the now controversial Red Devil with Coney The Ice Cream Cone. It’s exactly as idiotic as it sounds.

Meanwhile, in Bel Air, Grace, Zaday and Denise talk with No. 3’s parents and show them her picture on Instagram, saying she’s been missing. They attribute this to her drinking again and mention that she was dating Chad, who even came to Thanksgiving last year. Gasp!

Back in “Intro To Film Analysis” class, Grace and Zaday show up to find it’s Grace’s dad Wes (Oliver Hudson) teaching the class, even though he’s a literary professor? Ugh — this show is so dumb. She storms off and he proceeds to show the class what he claims is the best movie ever made, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Get it? To cast some suspicion on himself, of course.

Gigi (Nasim Pedrad) turns up and is entranced, as their exchange is both romantic and ominous. But it’s not long before Dean Munsch arrives just in time to interrupt their plans to get salad together and tell Gigi she needs to talk to her at her tennis court.

Then, the guy in the Coney The Ice Cream Cone costume gets murdered in a dorm room by the Red Devil and nobody cares.

Hester (Lea Michele) gets caught by No. 1 as she rummages through her palatial closet. At first, No. 1 is pissed, but then she decides making Hester over can help her win Chad back somehow, so…makeover time!

At Dean Munsch’s tennis court, she and Gigi have a super-brief exchange in which Munsch tells her they’re both moving into Kappa house for a week and for Gigi to keep her grubby paws off Wes, which literally could have taken place anywhere other than a stupid tennis court.

No. 3 suddenly confides in Sam that she found out her dad is actually Charles Manson, so she wants the two of them to be “alibi buddies” in case fingers are pointed at them for the murders. Downstairs, No. 1 reveals Hester’s post-makeover look, which is basically 2015 era Rachel Berry. No. 5 is furious, but before she can really go off too much Dean Munsch and Gigi crash the Kappa house and announce they’re moving in. Blah.

Chad talks to the rest of his bros, AKA the Dicky Dollar Scholars, and tells them he thinks Boone was murdered by the Red Devil. He suggests they take steroids, get some baseball bats and yell for the Red Devil to come out so they can attack him. Sure, why not?

Grace stops by Pete’s (Diego Boneta) room to apologize for thinking he was the killer. I’m not sure why she’s ruled him out, but now she apparently thinks Chad is the bathtub baby and maybe the Red Devil as well. Pete tells her he’s found information about a Kappa from 1995 who was two credits shy from graduating and suggests they go find her.

Out on the street, the Dicky Dollar Scholars go apeshit on a car with their baseball bats to the tune of the Backstreet Boys hit “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)”. They find themselves face to face with not one, but two Red Devils with chainsaws. Unsurprisingly, their bats are no match for the chainsaws. Even though Chad survives, one of his bros cartoonishly loses his arms and his life defending him.

Denise spots Zaday walking alone at night on the street and offers her a ride. As soon as Zaday is in the car, Denise handcuffs her and accuses her of being the murderer because she found a chainsaw under her bed. Zaday explains it as a present from her grandma to help protect her and Denise accepts this as a logical explanation and lets her go.

Back at the house, Gigi, Wes and Dean Munsch enjoy a salad together. Wes spots Zaday about to leave the house and is surprised since he thought she was with Grace. When he calls Grace, she lies and says she’s at the library, when really she’s with Pete on the hunt for the mystery Kappa.

Wes leaves, Gigi and Dean Munsch prepare for bed. After an extended (and moronic) bit in which Dean Munsch plays a white noise machine with only terrifying sounds (including “slasher movie”), Gigi decides to sleep on the couch, where she is promptly attacked by the Red Devil. Wes runs in and is injured, but they both survive and the Red Devil slips away unnoticed.

After Dean Munsch comes downstairs claiming not to have heard a thing because of her noise machine, Wes accuses her of being the killer. But is she?

Good God. What did you think of this trash this week? Let us know below!