11 Pop Trends That Need To Die In 2016
Pop music can be wonderful. It can also be super annoying and feel like everyone’s rushing to latch onto the same sound, dance, producer or strategy, like a bunch of mud-crusted piglets jostling for the last teat. It’s always been that way, but in our current era the effect is more severe due to social media. By the time a trend catches on, it’s already played out thanks to countless memes and imitations flooding our TLs.
And if pop music fads are being created and spreading faster than ever, that means we need to eliminate them just as swiftly. Here are 11 pop trends that need to vanish in 2016.
1. Sassy Brass
The Summer of the Sax was more than four years ago (yeah we know it’s a woodwind not a brass ya Berklee wannabes). “Thrift Shop” was almost four years ago. Enough with the horned-up chorus breakdowns. We’re looking at you, Ariana.
2. Dolphin Vocal Effects
You won’t top what Diplo and Skrillex did to Justin Bieber‘s falsetto on “Where Are U Now” so don’t even try.
3. That Siren Synth In Every Rap SongThat synth blare has been sampled in hip-hop for decades, but it reached its saturation point this year. And you won’t top the way it was used in Future‘s “Fuck Up Some Commas” so don’t even try.
More like #deathsquadgoals. Wow, your fave has a team of handlers that got in touch with your other fave’s team of handlers and these minions worked out the logistics for the two faves to appear in the same place at the same time in front of cameras. It’s JUST LIKE you and your frands.
Oh, it’s lit, is it? Time to blow it the fuck out.
6. The Rap Dance Du Jour
Every month there’s a new viral rap dance, which isn’t a problem in and of itself. The problem is that we cool kids on the interwebs can’t even enjoy it before the hordes of lames ruin it for everyone (see above). As soon as a dance breaks out, we must suffer through presidential candidates and college football coaches and washed up actors doing it. Must everything become Ellen fodder?
“Banger” may be played out, but at least it tells me what type of song I’m about to hear.
8. Surprise Releases
Wanna drop a single out of nowhere, fine. But the surprise album release, can we not? It’s such a nightmare for everyone that it’s hard to believe it was once novel and exciting. The stans are jostled into attention just as they were about to go to bed, the legions of collaborators and employees have to keep their mouths shut for months until the project drops, the bloggers (THINK OF THE BLOGGERS!) gotta go into hyperspeed so they can post the most profound review and tweet the scorchingest of hot takes and the neutral parties have to go out of their way and listen just so they can feel like a member of society. Hopefully Adele’s traditional 25 rollout will make a bunch of boobs think they can replicate that success with a standard promo cycle.
9. Tidal-Exclusive Music Videos
Anyone who thinks their music video will spur someone to splurge on that Tidal subscription is delusional. Anyone who actually splurges on a Tidal subscription just to see a new video is delusional.
10. App Tie-Ins
“Remember that classic song that was released through that app?” is something that will never be uttered by a human on Earth. We know the music industry is dying and all, but must you make us trudge through Tinder (Hilary Duff), Grindr (Madonna, Leona Lewis, Nicki Minaj), Dubsmash (Rihanna), ChristianMingle and FarmersOnly just to hear your future-forgotten song?
11.Bogus Copyright Lawsuits
Hey producers, try some new ideas! And hey unknowns, stop kidding yourself that a star lifted that melody off your sub-five-follows Soundcloud page.