The Onion‘s A.V. Club has once again undertaken an impossible public service, ranking the “Worst Band Names Of ’07,” a task that becomes progressively harder every year as MySpace and Facebook make it all too easy to try and catalog every crappy pun cooked up by four dudes in a garage. This year’s list goes a little heavy on names that make poor use of the word “funk” for my liking, but my seven favorites of ’07 make up for the funky deluge through sheer shamelessness or WTF-ery.
Rolling Stone has named the most recent comeback from the (for the time being anyway) president of Def Jam the No. 1 single of 2007. And at No. 2… Randy Newman. (We give up.) At least Lil Wayne placed ahead of the Boss. (Bet that made for some fun editorial meetings.) The full 100 is after the jump, but first our thoughts on a list that ranks a Conor Oberst track ahead of 95 other songs.
THE GOOD: UGK just sneaks into the Top 10. Soulja Boy trumps the Arcade Fire. (More of an ideological victory than an aesthetic one, admittedly.) A handful of oddballs (Liars’ bleak joke at the expense of the Reid brothers, CRS’ low-key Yorke-freaking posse cut) do their best to liven things up a mix of iTunes top-sellers and Paste-y faves.
THE BAD: But it isn’t the make-weight Billboard pop filler or the old-dude rock that sinks this list so much as its complete lack of taste. That Kid Rock’s execrable “So Hott” is included is baffling enough, let alone that RS thought it was better than 62 other songs this year. It’s not even a decent Kid Rock song! At least they had enough taste/sense to stick Fergie and Nickelback down at Nos. 96 and 100, respectively.
THE WHAAAA? Speaking of which, listen to me very carefully: Rolling Stone called Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” a “modern day version of ‘I Will Survive.'” I can’t say it any better than Matos did: “NO NO NO NO NON ON ON ONO NONONO.”
Like many other publications featured in our ongoing Year-End Analysis series, Brit music mag Fact placed LCD Soundsystem in its top single slot of the year, but they chose neither “North American Scum” or “All My Friends.” And though left-field faves like Panda Bear and consensus picks like M.I.A. dot the magazine’s albums list, the Arcade Fire, Radiohead, and (yes) LCD Soundsystem are nowhere to be found. Fact‘s actually turned in a pair of the most idiosyncratic year-end wrap-ups of 2007 so far, and they’re speckled by blog faves including our (cough, cough) fave band of 2007, Black Kids. Fact‘s Top 100 tracks and Top 20 albums are after the jump, but first our thoughts on two lists that remember people still go out to dance clubs (or at least download MP3s of records that get played in dance clubs).
THE GOOD: Dance music! Lots of it! And not just Justice! Fact‘s Top 100 singles list is filled with dance 12s and EPs, from underground disco edits to Internet-hype picks to deep Germanic techno to dubstep, and their albums list is similarly foot-friendly. Totally refreshing, and making me think I should have paid closer attention to dance music this year.
THE BAD: Like a lot of (seemingly) dance/electronic-focused magzines, Fact‘s taste in guitar-based music sometimes feels a little shaky. Vampire Weekend released the best rock single of the year? If you say so, you crazy Englanders.
THE WHAAAA? On “Umbrella”: “Just compare this take on a loved-up R&B ballad against, say, Beyonce’s recent efforts, and you’ll quickly see how special Rihanna is.” Did the U.K. suddenly forget “Irreplaceable”? Has the planet gone mad? Am I still the only person alive who dislikes “Umbrella”?
I mean, it’s the only explanation for Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal)” being the channel’s No. 1 video for 2007. Right? Right? Also in the top five: Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over,” Pink’s “U + Ur Hand,” “Umbrella,” and that Maroon 5 video where they’re getting their Hall & Oates on while on a plane. Full list after the jump, but for now, etc., etc.
THE GOOD: Nelly Furtado’s “Say It Right”–the best freestyle song of the past decade–lands at No. 7. Regina Spektor’s lovely “Fidelity” squeaks in at No. 38. Carrie Underwood’s super-smashy “Before He Cheats” is on there. And that Pink video is kinda fun. (Bonus: Depending on where you hear “U + Ur Hand,” different lyrics–including the titular hand–get bleeped out!)
THE BAD: Two Nickelback videos. Two Daughtry videos. Two Fergie videos. Linkin Park. Colbie Caillat. The OneRepublic Phil Collins homage. That Bon Jovi “country” single that was basically Jon sleepwalking his way through a quieter version of “Never Say Goodbye.” An Avril ballad. If you ever wanted to argue that pop this year had as much bad as it had good–if not more!–this list would be an excellent place to start.
THE WHAAAA? Who knew Lifehouse put out a record this year? Well, OK then.
Thumbing their nose at British legends, Canadian upstarts, and America in general, the NME has named the clattering debut from dance-rockers the Klaxons as the best album of the year and the band’s “Golden Skans” as the year’s best single. (But don’t worry, because Radiohead and the Arcade Fire both find their way into the Top 5.) The tabloid’s picks for its 50 favorite albums and 50 favorite songs are after the jump, but first our thoughts on a publication that really liked the nu-rave.
THE GOOD: Les Savy Fav’s Lets Stay Friends, an unexpected comeback from a favorite band that I initially filed away as “pleasantly non-embarassing” but that sounds better with every spin, makes a surprising (but not undeserved) appearance at No. 5.
THE BAD: Even accounting for my age and citizenship, the singles list is something of a foreign language. Totally willing to give it a fair shake, of course, but given the NME‘s blog-shaming track record for mercurial hype and band names like the “Ting Tings,” I feel more comfortable than usual with my cranky suspicions.
THE WHAAAA? “Umbrella” is once again a rock mag’s only cop to radio pop (as defined in the U.S.) or R&B (unless you count Ms. Winehouse). Did everyone just raise the white flag during its reign of terror earlier in the year?
The results of Brit rock mag Kerrang!‘s reader poll are now officially my favorite year-end lists so far. They’re adorable! Kerrang!’s readers seem to only love about six bands (but really love them), they think mall emo/pop metal is some apex for Western civ, and their “sexiest male” and “sexiest female” lists totally spank that Stereogum silliness we posted earlier. The full lists (minus the bullshit about books and movies) are after the jump, but first, well you know.
THE GOOD: How good is it that the “Worst Band” category is basically just a rejigged version of the “Best Band” category? Also, I don’t even know what three out of Kerrang!‘s five sexiest ladies look like, but I will say that Amy Lee > Leslie Feist. And hating on Jared Leto (as “Villain Of The Year”!) is always appreciated. (But then you go and give his dumb band best single! You nutty kids!)
THE BAD: You know, there are other bands besides MCR, 30 Seconds To Mars, Muse, Lostprophets, the Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy, and Linkin Park out there, y’all. Just sayin’.
THE WHAAAA? I loves me some My Chemical Romance, too, but are they really toothsome enough to occupy three spots in the “Sexiest Male” category? (And poor Mikey Way, always the bridesmaid.)
The Onion‘s AV Club launched its best albums of the year list today, and it’s topped by the Arcade Fire’s Neon Bible, with the National, Radiohead, LCD Soundsystem, and Band Of Horses bringing up the top five’s rear. The usual-suspect-studded full list is after the jump, but for now, some initial reactions…
THE GOOD: Tegan and Sara’s sharp, spunky The Con (No. 8) is a nice addition to the top 10, which, if I didn’t mention before, is full of the usual suspects. (Let the fighting over Wilco resume!) Also, I think this might be the first Feist-free list I’ve seen yet.
THE BAD: Band Of Horses over Kala? Really?
THE WHAAAA? So along with each ranking album’s spot on the chart, readers were made privy to the number of points each record received, as well as how each critic broke down his ballot. Critics were allowed to give each album they voted for a maximum of 15 points, and the albums in the Nos. 24 and 25 slots–the Murphy/Mahoney FabricLive36 and Iron & Wine’s The Shepherd’s Dog–each received 20 points from two voters. Which illustrates an eternal critics’-poll conundrum, and it’s only accentuated by the fact that 2007 is shaping up to be a pretty lackluster year as far as critical consensus goes: Nos. 21-25 on the list (which also included Grinderman, Bat For Lashes’ Fur And Gold, and Fall Out Boy’s Infinity On High) certainly represent more interesting choices than the swath of rock-critic-beloved meh ahead of them, but if they were voted for by two or three critics out of a 19-critic panel (which each of them were), are they really among the “best,” or were they just the most beloved by a select few (with good taste)? I guess this is where Matos’ Enthusiasm 40 comes in.
Stereogum released the results of its reader-voted “2007 Gummy Awards” today, and once again the winners in “Ms. Indie Rock” prove that when it comes to wank-mining material, your average indie-rocking male is looking for (gasp!) a skinny white girl with a shaggy haircut. Emphasis on the “skinny.” And did we mention the “white”? Aside from a few notable tokens exceptions, there are enough pointy elbows and too-sad-to-leave-the-house complexions here to fill up a year’s worth of American Apparel advertisements. Way to reject mainstream standards of beauty, dudes! The guy hotties list also features many downy, bony gents, yet somehow offers a slightly wider range of body types than the chick list’s parade of waifs. The full lists are after the jump, but first our thoughts on the least sexy year-end round-up of 2007.
THE GOOD: Not even going there.
THE BAD: Sure, you could pen a 10,000-word rant on how this list of female fantasy objects reflects indie rock’s insular ideals even when it comes to sex, but we’ll just say that sexism, stereotyping, and body image issues will no longer be a concern in indie culture when a lady who looks like Dan Deacon makes it into the Top 20.
THE WHAAAA? R&B queen Sharon Jones deserves to be on this list if anyone does, but aside from wrecking the curve in terms of both age and ethnicity, who in their right mind would class Ms. Jones as an “indie rock” hottie? (Also whoever voted for Natalie Portman needs their life changed with a boot in the ass.)
“I hope you guys do one of these [Year-End Analysis] posts for iTunes’ most downloaded artists, that list is insane.” And having just spent a half-hour typing out* iTunes’ Top 20 best-selling songs, Top 20 best-selling albums, and Top 10 best-selling videos, I can vouch for the insanity. Want a 2007 list based not on the personal aesthetic whims of a couple of bloggers or an editorial staff trying to look hip or a publisher second-guessing what its audience wants/expects to appear on a year-end list, but a democratically chosen list based around raw commerce, a list voted for by the public, comprised entirely of what they were most willing to spend their .99 on during the last 12 months? Well here it is. And the public sucks. The full lists are after the jump, but for now my shell-shocked first thoughts.
THE GOOD: Maroon 5’s louche dude funk gets a bad rap (though you’d have a hard time holding us to that sentiment when one of their ballads is playing) but even after following the numbers during the year, we’re still a little surprised to see them topping the albums list ahead of Kanye. A few decent long-players stud the rest of the list, and a “Weird Al” appearance (in the Top Videos category) always brings a smile. But more than any single artist, people really plunked down for some Timbaland this year, no matter who he was featuring and/or producing. And with the exception of “Apologize,” we’re more than OK with hearing any of Tim’s 2007 hits for the billionth time compared to…
THE BAD: Colbie Caillat! Daughtry! Akon! “Party Like A Rock Star”! A squeaky Stefani (who’s at least not yodelling)! Nickelback mugging with half of America! Fergie at No. 1! When I die and go to blogger hell, this Top 20 playlist will be looped for all eternity, broken up only by the occasional airing of the complete works of Sufjan Stevens, as the editors of Stereogum beat me around the neck with rolled-up press releases.
THE WHAAAA? Some basic figures for you to contemplate and/or shudder over. Within the Top 100 best-selling singles of 2007 we have: Four Akon songs, four Avril Lavigne songs (including one remix), three Daughtry songs, two Fall Out Boy songs, three Fergie songs, five Justin Timberlake songs, two Kanye songs, two Maroon 5 songs, two My Chemical Romance songs, two Nickelback songs, two Pink songs (?!), three Rihanna songs, two Sean Kingston songs, two T-Pain songs (not counting collabos), and three Timbaland songs (not counting productions). That’s nearly half of the Top 100 controlled by 15 artists, or a quarter of it controlled by seven if we only count the ones that scored three or more slots. Plus Feist was in the Top 20 albums, but download sensation “1-2-3-4” doesn’t even show up until No. 80! So much for the new model.
[EDIT: The full list of the Top 100 best-selling singles is now posted after the jump thanks to the Excel skillz of commenter extraordinaire therichgirlsareweeping, and looking at it has cooled my ire a little, as many more decent-to-great songs start appearing the further down you go. However that Top 20 is, with a few exceptions, still awful awful awful.]
Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” is the most-watched music video on YouTube (63 million plays of the unembeddable official version alone! Seriously!), and peoples’ desire to see a nerdy version of her get constantly foiled has apparently spilled over into the on-demand cable world. It’s been crowned as the most-watched video of 2007 by the cable service Music Choice, which has launched its lengthy “favorite videos of the year” package, supposedly determined by the number of on-demand streams each video received. The lists after the jump, but first a few scattered reactions.
THE GOOD: Well, it did introduce me to a new social-networking-related novelty song, C-Side’s “MySpace Freak.” And “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Trapped In The Drive-Thru” won the Funniest Video prize, although I do wish that the clip was live-action and not animated.
THE BAD: There are so many classifications that these lists don’t count down the “best” videos as much as they semi-haphazardly list “videos that were available on Music Choice during 2007 in handy list format.” Example: the Best Hip-Hop/R&B Video went to T-Pain’s “Buy U A Drank.” The Best Rap Video award was won by Huey’s “Pop, Lock & Drop It”… but No. 1 on the Top Five Hip-Hop Videos list was the Jim Jones ultramegaremix of “We Fly High.” Mixed messages much?
THE WHAAAA? The top 20 Pop/Rock videos were broken down into four segments, and one was hosted by will.i.am. (Whose videos, it will probably not shock you to learn, were not on the countdown.) Anyway, he said “y’alls” a lot, and tried really really hard to extend his 15 minutes by giving extended treatises on the number nine (it’s apparently “divine,” just like Fergie) and letting the world know that the Black Eyed Peas are not breaking up. I guess it could have been worse–he could have brought out Nicole Scherzinger. But it was still public access-level cringeworthy.
