Nominations for the Juno Awards—the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences’ equivalent to the Grammys—were announced today, and the big winner was the Vancouver band of heshers Nickelback, who are up for five prizes including Single Of The Year and Album Of The Year; personal favorites like Black Mountain and Sloan, as well as that deliciously inescapable Kardinal Offishall/Akon track from last summer, got nods as well. I’m sure Gene Simmons is studying this list very closely right now, trying to figure out what works in the Great White North. (Perhaps he should try and find a Guns N’ Roses tribute band up there, since CARAS had the balls to nominate Chinese Democracy for International Album Of The Year.) Partial list of nominees after the jump.
Kiss bassist/serial entrepreneur Gene Simmons got wind of yesterday’s post about his all new Canadian-artists-only record label, and he is not pleased! He took to the blog of his recently relaunched Simmons Records and went off, calling the person who penned it (a.k.a. me) “an amateur who’s achieved nothing in his [sic!] life” and saying that soon enough, I and my ilk would soon be sent “back to [the] fish wrapping factory they escaped from.” (NB: I am writing this from my parents’ house, so maybe he has a point.) But then, in a frenzy of whipping up Canadian nationalism and not linking to our site (ahem), his threats got even worse!
Gene Simmons was scratching his head over how to make money off recorded music in late 2007, but in 2009, he’s figured out a plan: Embrace the idea of Canadian content wholeheartedly. No, really: The Kiss bassist has launched Simmons Records, a label that will “make sure that the next generation of world stars [emanates] from Canada.” And nowhere else! (At least not yet.)
A year ago, Gene Simmons was telling anyone within earshot that he was done with recording, saying “There is nothing in me that wants to go in there and do new music. How are you going to deliver it? How are you going to get paid for it if people can just get it for free?” Well, a year, a sex tape, a floated reality-show pitch, and an essay contest have apparently caused a perfect storm for him to change his mind, since his band, Kiss, is getting ready to head back in the studio—with an album produced by Paul Stanley!
The “writing ad-ready songs for the enjoyment of viewers at home and the delight of network accounting departments” reality show Jingles has had its debut, which was scheduled for later this month, pushed back by CBS, but that isn’t stopping the network from letting the world know that Kiss bassist and entrepreneur Gene Simmons is going to be one of the show’s judges. (I’m guessing he’s going to take the acid-tongued “Simon” spot on the panel.) This caused me to think about how Simmons’ body of work could itself be employed for the purposes of selling crap that people don’t really don’t need, via the time-tested “out of context lyric used to shill for a slightly incongruous product” method that so many ads employ these days. Five possible examples of how you could hear Kiss songs during breaks in Law & Order reruns after the jump.
Several Web sites are reporting that Gene Simmons is angry at Radiohead, based on this quote: “The record industry is dead. “It’s six feet underground and unfortunately the fans have done this. They’ve decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we’re going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilized. As soon as the record industry pops its head up we’ll record new material.” OK, so greedy fans are keeping us from songs that rhyme “hot” with “got,” but what does that have to do with Radiohead? Are we taking his disappointment with the band on faith?
Kiss is fun to see live, sure, but who hasn’t thought they could use replacements for Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley? With all the hip surgery and facelifts, they’ve seen better days. And now that it’s been established that people don’t care who’s hiding behind the make-up, Gene and Paul are thinking about getting out of the band and letting America pick who should be the new Starchild, Demon, Spaceman, and Kitty Cat. While I definitely would need a lot of exercise to fit into Paul’s leotard, I’m already practicing my “‘WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” I can’t play a power chord without strutting around, guys! I even act the fool when I play Guitar Hero. And I know you’ve already got some wigs I could use.
“U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice may have attended just four rock concerts in her life, but the rock band Kiss apparently thinks she is pretty cool. More »
Usually, if you wanted Gene Simmons on your voicemail, all you had to do is tell one of his security people that you’d like to blow him. Now there’s a more hygenic way to get the God Of Thunder’s attention: write 200 words about whether or not you like prostitution! In order to promote his upcoming book on the subject Ladies Of The Night, Gene is asking for his more literate fans to provide him with a 200-word “essay” offering their own take (my advice to would-be winners? I’d go with “pro”). The finest blurb will win its writer various Gene Simmons products and a “personalized digital voicemail recording.” “IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!” says Phoenix Books. Better than an STD, I guess.