Kiss bassist/serial entrepreneur Gene Simmons got wind of yesterday’s post about his all new Canadian-artists-only record label, and he is not pleased! He took to the blog of his recently relaunched Simmons Records and went off, calling the person who penned it (a.k.a. me) “an amateur who’s achieved nothing in his [sic!] life” and saying that soon enough, I and my ilk would soon be sent “back to [the] fish wrapping factory they escaped from.” (NB: I am writing this from my parents’ house, so maybe he has a point.) But then, in a frenzy of whipping up Canadian nationalism and not linking to our site (ahem), his threats got even worse!
Gene Simmons was scratching his head over how to make money off recorded music in late 2007, but in 2009, he’s figured out a plan: Embrace the idea of Canadian content wholeheartedly. No, really: The Kiss bassist has launched Simmons Records, a label that will “make sure that the next generation of world stars [emanates] from Canada.” And nowhere else! (At least not yet.)
A year ago, Gene Simmons was telling anyone within earshot that he was done with recording, saying “There is nothing in me that wants to go in there and do new music. How are you going to deliver it? How are you going to get paid for it if people can just get it for free?” Well, a year, a sex tape, a floated reality-show pitch, and an essay contest have apparently caused a perfect storm for him to change his mind, since his band, Kiss, is getting ready to head back in the studio—with an album produced by Paul Stanley!
Why would one be surprised that Kiss had branched out into a line of branded Mr. Potato Head dolls? After all, they’ve hawked condoms, and coffins, and Barack Obama T-shirts, and coffee, and… well, the list goes on. But there’s something almost cuddly about these renderings of Kiss in spud form, a certain roundness that’s missing from the latest comic-book renderings of the group. And it’s making me want to force through a lot of puns involving Kiss song titles and various ways of serving potatoes–“I Love It Baked”? “Turn On The Broiler”? “Cold G(rat)in”?–but instead I’ll just show you the prototypes of the potatoes themselves, because really, the headline of this post alone is groanworthy enough.
“The KISS Coffeehouse is releasing KISS Hotter Than Hell Ketchup! The Coffeehouse will be sampling KISS Ketchup & fries at noon on Sept 6th. Bottles of KISS Ketchup will be on sale for $7.95.” More »
In one of the stranger promotional teasers in recent memory, CAA managing partner Rob Light disclosed a list of acts that should be touring the States next year to HITS. Among them: Wal-Mart favs AC/DC, who haven’t toured since 2003, and KISS, who might creak around arenas once again. More »
The “writing ad-ready songs for the enjoyment of viewers at home and the delight of network accounting departments” reality show Jingles has had its debut, which was scheduled for later this month, pushed back by CBS, but that isn’t stopping the network from letting the world know that Kiss bassist and entrepreneur Gene Simmons is going to be one of the show’s judges. (I’m guessing he’s going to take the acid-tongued “Simon” spot on the panel.) This caused me to think about how Simmons’ body of work could itself be employed for the purposes of selling crap that people don’t really don’t need, via the time-tested “out of context lyric used to shill for a slightly incongruous product” method that so many ads employ these days. Five possible examples of how you could hear Kiss songs during breaks in Law & Order reruns after the jump.
Several Web sites are reporting that Gene Simmons is angry at Radiohead, based on this quote: “The record industry is dead. “It’s six feet underground and unfortunately the fans have done this. They’ve decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we’re going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilized. As soon as the record industry pops its head up we’ll record new material.” OK, so greedy fans are keeping us from songs that rhyme “hot” with “got,” but what does that have to do with Radiohead? Are we taking his disappointment with the band on faith?
In a long-overdue bit of acknowledgement, Desmond Child–the man behind many of the finest in ’80s power ballads, as well as disco Kiss and Ricky Martin–will enter the Songwriters’ Hall Of Fame on Thursday, along with relatively minor songwriting figures as John Sebastian, Loretta Lynn, and Albert Hammond. Child tells the Miami Herald, “It was funny because I had been nominated twice before but I hadn’t made it, and I spoke to the heads of it and they said, ‘Well, we always thought you were too young to get it, but then we recently looked at your bio and realized you are old. You just looked young.” As most of his big-name collaborators are out touring this summer, Desmond Child has been forced “by default” to reunite his late ’70s combo Rouge for the ceremony. While it would be insane to try and list all of his greatest achievements (“Kiss The Rain”? “Born To Be My Baby”? “Shake Your Bon Bon”?), we’ve compiled a list of every ASCAP-registered song of his that features the word “love” in the title. Can you guess how many there are?
Kiss is fun to see live, sure, but who hasn’t thought they could use replacements for Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley? With all the hip surgery and facelifts, they’ve seen better days. And now that it’s been established that people don’t care who’s hiding behind the make-up, Gene and Paul are thinking about getting out of the band and letting America pick who should be the new Starchild, Demon, Spaceman, and Kitty Cat. While I definitely would need a lot of exercise to fit into Paul’s leotard, I’m already practicing my “‘WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” I can’t play a power chord without strutting around, guys! I even act the fool when I play Guitar Hero. And I know you’ve already got some wigs I could use.
