Hold Steady Mad Libs: Test Your Bar-Band Knowledge

If you’re young, cranky, and perpetually holding out for a Replacements reunion, then you no doubt purchased the Hold Steady’s new album, Boys And Girls In America, as soon as it was released yesterday. You’re also probably drunk right now, which we like, since that generally helps make this site a lot more readable.

Anyway, fans of the band know that lead singer Craig Finn has more than a few go-to touchstone references, all of which approach the over-saturation point in America. And so for those of you who’ve already given the record a few spins–or for anyone who thinks they could do better–we present our Hold Steady Mad Libs. After the click-through, a few stumbling pseudo-Finn verses that need to hook up with your bored, boozy pronouns.

THE LYRICS: (Catholic School Girl Name) had a hard heart but she had a soft spot for (’70s Musician)/ In the back seat, she enjoyed (working-class vice) while talking about (poet) and metaphors/She drove down to (r random mississippi river reference)/Then she did some more

These kids in (mid-size American city) wonder who’s going to save them from (decade)/ Strung out, and (post-vice activity)/Waiting for a (religious reference)/Somewhere near (slightly different random place in Mississippi)

Fun, right? If you’re having problems coming up with your own Finn-speak, feel free to swipe from our suggestions below:

Catholic School Girl Name Theresa Holly Mary St. Barbara ’70s Musician Freddie Mercury Rod Stewart Phil Lynot Alice Cooper Vice Drinking Dark Bacardi Powders and Pills Sniffing Margarita Mix White Wine and Tallboy Cans Poet William Blake Keats William Butler Yeats Random Mississippi River Reference Banks of the Mississippi River Shores of the Mississippi River The Mississippi River Washed Up in the Mississippi River Mid-sized American City St. Paul Denver Philly Dallas Decade The ’60s The ’70s The ’80s The ’90s Post-Vice Activity Taking Off Their Clothes Going Out to Shows Waking Up with the Backstage Pass in Their Pants Riding Around in GTOs Religious Reference Conversion Resurrection Jesus Christ in All His Glory Born-Again Baptism A Confession Booth