Blind-Item Bitchiness: Who’s The Slimy Cokehead Dwarf With Bad Taste?

Mar 13th, 2007 // 14 Comments

This post on the anonymous bitch-session website save the assistants got our attention:

I’ve worked in the music industry for about 8 or 9 years now…the breeding ground for some of the most base and morally reprehensible characters ever to walk the corporate halls. Currently, there is a president of a music label (who shall remain nameless) who embodies all that is evil and wrong. He is a cokehead dwarf of a human being who has the worst taste in music (for starters) and is so slimy, it’s pathetic. If you’re not part of his “in crowd” group of promo and A&R people (or a beautiful young woman willing to fuck her way up), he has little interest.

I work for someone who is much less evil but extremely difficult and the two absolutely hate each other. Because of this hatred, I am the bastard child who is shunned in every conceivable way. I’m not just talking about not being acknowledged in the hall, I’m talking about open hostility. It’s upsetting. Regardless of how good I am at my job, I am ignored, not invited to company meetings, completely not included in any of the new projects that EVERYONE else gets to participate in… generally just not made a part of “the team.”

Take today. The big boss, Satan (as we’ll refer to him), was walking up and down the halls with a new artist on the label. He was talking as loudly as possible so everyone would pay attention, overusing the word “dawg” and phrases like “off the hook.” I don’t think I’m giving anything away when I say that Satan (in this case) is small, white and Jewish, so urban slang looks and sounds, well, retarded.

As I sat there, Satan introduced this person to everyone standing within my general vicinity… except for me. In fact, he looked right at me and then turned and walked away. How uncomfortable is that? Not because I’ve done anything wrong, not because I suck at my job. Just because I assist someone he doesn’t like. It’s not that I expect or feel that I should be singled out as a brilliant employee and coddled and told that I’m great. But to be singled out as the person who should be ignored in a happy little crowd of excited record company people is just mean and cruel. As if I the person I assist didn’t make sure he wipes his feet on me at every chance that comes along.

When you’re being kicked in the teeth everyday with insults and treated like your stupidity is a constant annoyance, having your boss’s boss shit on you is an entirely new level to assistant abuse. Of course, in this business in particular I can tell you it isn’t uncommon. Unfortunately, the frequency with which it occurs doesn’t make it any less hurtful and disgusting.

Any guesses as to either of these execs’ identities? We were going to go with Sir Dennis Eaton-Hogg, but we don’t think he’s still working.

behind the music executives [savetheassistants.com]

  1. Hamm Beerger

    This just doesn’t seem that bad, I was expecting something a little more “Swimming With Sharks” after the buildup of the first paragraph.

    I mean, I get abused by my boss’s boss sometimes, and I work in IT. Are all music industry assistants this thin skinned?

  2. bedpan

    isn’t lyor taller?

  3. xtianrut

    Isn’t the simpler question, “Who isn’t the slimy cokehead dwarf with bad taste?” We are talking about major labels here, right?

  4. Mike Barthel

    Oh, music industry people–they recognize they’re working in a business that’s totally illegitimate, one they got into because they “love music,” but now come to find out that everything they’re expected to do is pretty much objectively bad for music. No wonder they’re a little touchy!

    Anyway, Clive?

  5. OnAHeartbeatGlide

    It’s 100% Charlie Walk. Gotta be.

  6. BabyMamaDrama

    Anyone who’s been around the man for more than 30 seconds will tell you it can be no one else but Charlie Walk.

  7. OnAHeartbeatGlide

    Oh, and Mr. Walk also doesn’t wash his hands when he leaves the bathroom – which, to me, is the worst crime.

  8. Bob Loblaw

    This one time? I was going to get coffee for my boss, and so Satan asked if I could get coffee for him too! Did he not care that I wanted biscotti? I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS, SATAN!!!

  9. Paul D

    Hate your job?

    QUIT!

    My sympathy runneth dry.

  10. zaky

    God, I wish I could comment without the chance of getting in trouble….a few repsonses above are 100% on.

  11. brainchild

    damn, i could’ve written that swipe.

  12. drjimmy11

    amazing that people still act like this in this day and age. I guess even after the meteor hits, there will always be a few dinosaurs who insist on blundering around knocking things over like they still run the place.

    and have some of you ever considered the fact the complainer maybe can’t quit because she needs a job to, you know, make money?? Some of these comments are very “let them eat cake.”

  13. mike a

    Who was the Geffen (or whatever label) exec that would expose himself to female employees? That guy was much worse than even the above.

  14. cerulgalactus

    Tommy Mattola, of course.

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