All Of The Stupid Things You Too Could Be Getting If You Were Famous Enough To Go To The Video Music Awards
The following is a partial list of all the high class junk you could be getting if you were already a musician and/or celebrity well-known enough to be invited to the VMAs this weekend and therefore wealthy enough to able to purchase all of these items several times over before lunch:
– $2,000 gift certificate for another Vegas vacation – An assload of coffee – Cigar cutter – Dice cufflinks – Custom-made hat – Burberry boxer shorts – Various T-shirts – Various shoes – Sunglasses – Swimsuits – Jeans – Rings and bracelets – Hair care products – A straightening iron – Perfume – A yoga gift certificate – A copy of the Rock Band video game – A subscription to Rhapsody – Music software – A USB-port turntable – Watches – Tattoo removal gift certificate
Combined grand total what-the-fuck cost: $10,000 ea.
Congratulations to everyone this weekend–not just the winners, but those lucky enough to even get a seat and receive “gift” bags worth a third or more of many Americans’ average yearly income. I hate you all.*
*This might just be thinly veiled jealousy talking.
