Oh God, There May Be A Britney Spears Sex Tape
Sure, one could argue that the currently image-rehabbing pop tartlet Britney Spears reached the end of her innocence long ago. But is there not something wholly depressing about the idea of a tape featuring Spears, one that is allegedly two hours long and has as its co-star that paparazzo who she was canoodling with during her dark Blackout? Especially since she’s apparently wearing that pink wig that characterized her crazypants 2007-08? Of course, Adnan Ghalib’s not-very-shocking “revelation” could all be some more viral marketing for Circus (don’t forget, the “Womanizer” video premieres tonight!), and Radar helpfully explains how all of this could actually benefit Britney where it counts–you know, her bank account:
What happens usually is this: the star (such as in the cases of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson) files suit against the distributor and seller. Then there is some back and forth, some publicists yell at some websites, then they get paid and they allow the tape to get released.
If they don’t do so—and video releasers will even participate in a fake legal war with sex tape participants for their benefit—soon enough the video gets leaked to the YouTubes and everyone gets to see it for free.
But good news! Then it eventually disappears—try finding the Fred Durst sex tape online now! It’s missing in action, which is a shame. It is a work of beauty.
But this particular sex tape auction could be the tabloid craziness to end all craziness. The funds raised for two hours of Britney Spears naked, despite the fact that we’ve actually seen all of her, from her areolae to her pudenda, could salvage Wall Street! Adnan Ghalib could be the proud owner of Wachovia or JP Morgan!
Will it happen? Don’t forget that not only does Britney have a rebellious streak, as we well know by now, but she also has a new album out this December. So our prediction is that the wrangling over the sale terms goes on until after the election. Then, just in time for the album’s release party at a tacky hotel penthouse suite in New York City, blammo: BRITNEY AS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
Except exactly as you have seen her many times before, just looking more like a pig at a luau.
And they won’t even take away her children, or what’s left of her children at this point, because she was the innocent victim—despite her forthcoming million-dollar payday.
Well, that makes me feel better. I think?
