John Mayer Imparts More Sexual Wisdom To ‘Playboy’

Robbie Daw | February 10, 2010 1:25 pm

Last month John Mayer regaled the masses with his masturbation habits in the pages of Rolling Stone. And, it’s a good thing, too, because we needed something to help purge after all the overeating we did at the holidays. Now Mayer’s taking the sex talk—and overall s*** talk—to Playboy.

Billboard printed some of Mayer’s quotes from the piece, like this zinger on Jessica Simpson: “That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f***ing snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f***ing you.'”

Man, does this guy ever talk about music anymore? Head below to see more classy quotes from John Mayer.

On how many women he’s slept with since breaking up with Jennifer Aniston: “Four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”

For whatever reason, he then adds, “There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.” This seems to be a recurring thing with him, as Mayer previously told Rolling Stone, “Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.” Remind us again why this guy can’t keep a girlfriend?

On his African-American fanbase: I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me. Someone asked me the other day, ‘What does it feel like now to have a hood pass? And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n***** pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, ‘I can’t have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.'”

On Us Weekly, as quoted by Us Weekly: “From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s f***ed up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f***ing. So now I’m going to experiment with ‘f*** you.’ In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.”

What a sage. And, hey, American Idol—do we sense a new dark horse emerging as a possible Simon Cowell replacement?

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