American Music Awards 2014: 10 Best And Worst Moments

Another American Music Awards has come and gone, and like with all of these shindigs, there are lessons to be learned and moments worth singling out. Did you sit through all three hours of this particular dog and pony act last night? Yes? Well, then see if you agree with our best/worst roundup. No? Then, children, pull up a seat and allow us to relay what went down. Have at it below!

BEST: Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s performance of “Booty.” Actually, make that just JLo, because halfway through the jaw-dropping, butt-gyrating spectacle, which closed the AMAs, we forgot Iggy was even involved…or that the rest of the award show happened. We went to bed and dreamed of Lopez’s amazing thighs stomping across the stage and all through our lives. We hoped that when we woke up, her ample derriere would still be shaking somewhere off in the distance, just close enough to reach out and give a nice pinching. Alas, all we have left now is a memory of Jenny’s sweet ass.

WORST: This shit was way too long, as usual. Take notes from the MTV VMAs, Dick Clark Productions — they shortened that gig to two hours, max. The AMAs could have easily trimmed that useless performance by Garth Brooks, where he was beamed in from South Carolina, or even Lil Wayne and Christina Milian’s terrible outing with whatever that noise was they trotted out last night.

WORST: Lil Wayne and Christina Milian’s terrible outing with whatever that noise was they trotted out last night. Is this 2006? Nah, man — take all of that away.

BEST: Lorde brought the weird, and that’s okay. Thank God she’s not just another smile-by-numbers pop THOT. The music biz needs a young woman who rebels against the construct and expresses herself by doing something other than whipping her cans out on social media every 12 hours. That said, why didn’t Lorde win any awards last night? [Below gif via Mashable]

BEST: Miss Ross was in the house, mother-effers. Aside from JLo’s museum-worthy butt on parade, Diana Ross showing up to present Taylor Swift the Dick Clark Award For Excellence was the other big cake-taking moment. Did you see that standing ovation she got? Did you take in how breathless Tay was at being in Miss R’s presence? Bow da fuq down, lessers, and give props to a truly legendary queen.

WORST: Mary J. Blige performing “Therapy” instead of “Right Now.” If you’re anything like me (then God help you), you’re probably confused at which Mary J. Blige song off yet-to-be-released album The London Sessions is the actual single. I personally wish she’d just focus on “Right Now,” the Disclosure-produced one, because let’s face it — it’s upbeat, in line with the sound we were hoping she’d adopt with this whole project and probably has the best chance at getting on the radio. Yes, “Therapy” was co-written with pop darling Sam Smith, but it’s a bit of a snooze.

BEST: Mary J. Blige and Sam Smith actually singing. Let’s just call it like we see it: most of these other artistes required the aid of a backing vocal track last night. Bless Mary and Sam for reminding the world that we should ALL support pop stars who can actually saaaang.

BEST: The AMAs acknowledging the British/Aussie invasion in 2014. Sam Smith, One Direction, 5 Seconds Of Summer and Iggy Azalea all picked up awards. If you’re a pop fan who didn’t notice the ratio of foreigners making a splash in the American charts this year, then you need a right spanking.

BEST: Not letting Luke Bryan perform. When that dude dances, it feels like Satan French-kissing your soul in Hell.

WORST: Panning to Frankie Grande in the audience every 10 minutes or so. See above.

What were your own favorite and least-favorite moments from this year’s AMAs? Let us know below!