Janet Jackson’s Penchant For Unfortunate Metaphors Has Us Reaching For The Midol
So Janet Jackson’s new single “Feedback” debuted on the radio today, and given that I spent a good chunk of last night listening to the excellent–and chock-full-of-Janet–Jimmy Jam/Terry Lewis four-disc box set, I was pretty psyched to hear it. But alas, this Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins maybe Darkchild, maybe Danjahandz-produced track is four minutes of robo-“sexiness” that once again muffles Janet’s voice until she sounds just like any other processed ab-showing diva out there; it sounds like it was left off of Blackout, then subsequently rejected by Cassie. And perhaps with good reason, as any pretense of eroticism was bled dry by a lyric at the very end of the song’s breakdown:
“My swagger’s serious / I’m heavy like a first-day period.”
No, really. I rewound the song three times to make sure. I mean… I don’t know about you, female readers, but “heavy like a first-day period” doesn’t really scream “sexy” to me. Or anything related to “swaggering,” for God’s sake. To me it means “hiding out while wearing sweatpants with lots of TiVoed Law & Order at the ready.” Or “do I really have to get out of bed for the sole purpose of sitting in front of my computer for ten hours?” Or “pass the Advil.” Or “please don’t touch me because I might burst into tears at any moment.” Although… you know, given the rough couple of years that she’s had–the Super Bowl, the Dupri-ing, and the stinkeriffic 20 Y.O.–that last scenario may be the case. This song may be a cry for help!
Anyway, to help remind Janet that she has the potential to be awesome, and that she can be sexy without saying the word “sexy” 200 times in the space of four minutes, I present the below video. Also, Jimmy and Terry, if you are reading this, can’t you help out your former protege in her time of need? She’s obviously in a very bad way. Perhaps you can even get her together with Mya, and the two of them can pow-wow over unfortunate lady-related lyrical metaphors.
“Feedback” [z100.com]
